Halloween Oh No

First off I wanna say "Happy Halloween to everyone"

Today is not such a happy day for me. I didnt take my son to daycare because im too scared to even go outside because the BLOOD INITIATION. Yes im really scared. Even though this shit goes on every year and I was never scared before well shit I am now its 2008 shit change every year and plus they talking about it(blood initiation) on the news so I believe this shit is serious. Im not sure if imma take my son trick or treating today but if I do pray for me. For real. Im really shook. I was reading this webstie http://nyctheblog.blogspot.com/2008/10/violence-expected-in-east-harlem.html


Yes you should click on the website for yourself and see what im talking about if you dont already know. Trust me its not just a rumor, Its the truth. Its said that people who want to be initiated into the gang must each kill 31 women (women of all ages) in drive by shootings. You see that WOMAN? They only killing woman. Thats the sad part and im not tryna say they should kill men too but shoot they shouldnt be killing NOBODY!!!

Like come on these woman can be or are somebody's Grandmother, Granddaughter, Goddaughter, Daughter or sister etc. DAM MAN !!!!

Thats why im so scared and im not tryna put my life at risk by going outside for some dam candy. But maybe later I will feel different and change my mind cause I want my son to get some candy and have fun and shit.

What the fuck is the world coming to???
It feels like its coming to a dam end. Its all fucked up and turning in a direction in which it shouldnt turn to.

All this killing and shit needs to come to a end. Somebody need to stop these gangs for real. When Obama speak on the term CHANGE hopefully this will all stop righT??? or No because nobody is brave enough to stop them??

As I type this those gang bangers are proballii out there killing woman right now. Which is sad but like I said its truth especially if shit was on the news. They suppose to be doing it all day. I cant believe this shit. I dont know why they want to be so cold hearted just to be down or whatever. Yes im pretty much shook up about this shit. I wonder how they parents are gonna feel when they find out that they son or daughter have killed somebody. Yes there are some blood females. SHOOT I wonder how they feel about they son or daughter being in this dam GANG shit period. Its not hard to spot a BLOOD memeber out.

Well imma end this blog here cause I cant even think straight. So if I do decide to go outside or whatever I will be sure to look at my surroundings. Cause this shit is not a joke. Make sure to watch the news to see whats going on today in this cold ass world and google "blood initiation" and I hope you clicked on the link above.

im out...**Be Safe**

Love being Mommy

I will never forget when being a mommy really started.

March 23, 2007

-It was around 3pm well im not really sure what time it was but I know it was a friday. I didnt go to school(Plaza College) that day because I didnt feel like going & plus I woke up late and my class started at 10am. I dont know why my mom didnt wake me but kinda happy she didnt. Well anteeways I was watching TV and all of sudden I had to pee cause the baby was going hard on my bladder. REAL hard, shit felt mad weird. So I went to the bathroom and when I got in the bathroom I saw a drop of blood in my underwear (ewww I know) So the first thought that came to my mind was "OH NO I HOPE I AINT LOSE MY SON". (I dont know why I thought that but I knew I wasnt having a misscarrige it was just that I was nervous a little I aint know what to think). I started yelling for my mommy.

Mom-What you yelling like that for?

Me-Look (I showed her my underwear)

Mom-Wanna go to the hospital?

Me-No wait a while


So I went and layed down so something told me call my babyfather just in case being that he was in job corp upstate at the time I would have to call and let him no whats going on so they can send him home or whatever. Im dailing the number to the job corp shit. And I started getting krazy pains so I started screaming. Than my mom called the ambulance. Im thinking to myself what would of happen if I was in school and being that I only got one class on fridays and the school is in Jackson Height Queens?? Dam thank god I stayed home that day. Well anyteeways I aint get no connection to my babyfather.

Well while I was in the ambulance the pains started getting worst. So thats when I realized that those shits was fucking contractions. Soon as we pulled up in front of the ambulance tears started falling down my face. I got settle in the hospital or whatever. I was acting like a baby cause those contractions aint no dam joke. My mommy was looking at me like "you wanted this baby not deal with the pain". I guess she was getting mad cause I was screaming or whatever. But I aint give a fuck cause those shits hurted. Im laying in the hospital bed and all of sudden I had to take a doo-doo so I went and did the dam thing. It hurted everytime I walked. I kept going back to the bathroom every 10 minutes. Its was krazy. So the doctor or nurse who ever the bitch was checked to see if my water broke or something. The bitch poking me asking me do this hurt, do that hurt, so im pushing her hand back and she like stop so I kicked her (LOL) you can just go sticking your dam fingers in my coochie all hard and shit. Than she like my water broke she gotta break the rest of it. OMG and after that contractions started getting worst. I wasnt even counting how far apart they was. I just wanted it to be all over. I was getting upset cause my cell phone aint have no service in the dam hospital. (I should of known)

So my mommy had to leave me in the room all alone to go downstairs to call people and tell them whats going on. She even called my Babyfather and still no connection. Well aleast she called his aunt and let her know.

Hours later.......
They moved me to another room which looked like it could of been a bedroom in someones house. Im looking around like WOW than contractions still coming.

Time seemed to be gonig hella slow
March 24th..2007

Here go my mommy....

Mom-It dont look like you having that baby anytime soon so im going home and im coming back

ME- (cryinig) you leaving me

Mom-Yes im tired and its 1am

Soon as she started putting on her coat the doctors came in so they checked how far apart I was or whatever. The doctor asked me do I feel like I wanna push. Im like UGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH NO, Cause he had his hands all in me and shit. My mommy like "is she having the baby tonight??"..LoL they ignored her question. And was like imma have to have a C-section cause it dont look like imma be able to have a natural birth cause the baby might not make it. In other words im too dam small to push. LoL.

At this time my mommy was getting on my last nerves. She like "thats what she wanted". Im saying in my head I thought she was leaving me why she still hear than??..I was just aggravted shoot..Espeacilly cause I couldnt get in contact with my dumb ass babyfather.

A hour later....

They gave me a needle in my back. Did it hurt?? Hell no it aint hurt. It easied the pain for like 20 minutes than my contractions came back. So they gave my mom a gown to put on. And they took me to the room where they give you the C-section at.
So im laying there and they gave me some shit but the shit had me talking out my head. So after they cut me open took the baby out. I started crying not cause of pain cause of the shit they gave me had me going krazy. Im like "i want my baby" all I hear is my mommies voice saying "look " but my eye site was blurry so I couldnt see nothing.

Than they took me to the recovery room. The doctor like "your mother is going home". Im like nooooooooooooooooooo. LOL She like" you need some rest". So at this time my eye site wasnt blurry but I was still going krazy.
I looked at the doctor like she was krazy....

Me-you pregnant?

Doctor-Yes

Me-WOOOOW Did you cut me open?

Doctor-Yes I helped

After that I aint have no words. I just started thinking in my head like ewwwwwwwww how can she look at me cut all open and not throw up being that she pregnant.

**By the way Quan was born at 4:31am 7punds 9ounces** Here are some pictures of him when he was first born. Awww "Tears"


When I woke up they brought him right to me and I was so excited I just couldnt put him down after that. I was feinging. They took us to another room which we had to share with some loud ass lady. OMG she stayed on the dam phone talking about nothing at all. Like her pregnancy went so great. I was hating cause I was still in pain from the staples they had put in me. I couldnt even go to the bathroom like I wanted to they had a tube up my dam coochie so yea thats pretty much how I used the bathroom. EWWW nasty right?? I know.

My mommy arrived. DAM here she go. I knew she was gon brag about how she held him fisrt like I cared LoL well I did care. Im saying to myself if she get on my nerves today with her excited ass imma tell her to go HOME!!!...

HMMMM around 7 or 8 that night my babyfather shows up with his family. OH NO. Why he so dam late like he had to come with them and couldnt come early???. Well anteeways he acted like he was scared to hold Quan maybe cause he didnt know how LoL. But its wasnt hard for him to learn.

Hahha so out of nowhere im saying to myself "I gotta pee" . (I have forgot the tube was in me for a minute so I started pee'n) loL. And my babyfather like well go pee DUH. Im like I am pee'n he looking at me like huh?? than he saw the container on side of the bed and said ewww and moved away from me...LMAOOOOOO that was so funni.

Like hour later his family left and so did my mom thank god. LoL And it was just me, Quan and my babyfather. So we talking or whatever. Babyfather seemed mad happy he just couldnt stop touching Quan. Im like GESH. He like "I had a feeling you was having him"
.................................................

Having Daquan was the happiest day of my life I would never forget the first time I saw him. We shared a bond in our eyes that "we will always be together". And up until this day. ITS TRUE.

I can go on about the days I spent in the hospital for 8 days. YUp 8 days cause I kept catching fevers. I dont know how though. Haha I was gon fuck my babyfather up in the dam hospital. YUP with staples in my belly I was gon choke his ass but instead I just kicked him in his leg. Cause he was getting stupid.

Well anteeways
here is a picture of me and Quan...finally we had our own room in the hospital and aint have to share it with a loud ass lady anymore. LoL Dam I looked a hawt mess in the picture and I had a perm when I went in the hospital. LOL

Since that day Quan was born THATS WHEN I REALIZED MY LIFE WAS HEADING FOR A CHANGE. I WAS SO EXCITED ALL I COULD SAY WAS THANK YOU GOD FOR THE MOST WONDERFUL GIFT.WHEN I WAS PREGNANT PEOPLE WAS LIKE'' ARE YOU SURE YOU READY FOR A BABY'',''ITS HARD'' AND I USE TO SAY I KNOW WHAT IM DOING IMMA BE A GREAT MOTHER AND LOOK NOW IM BEIN MORE THAN A GREAT MOTHER IM BEING A WONDERFUL MOTHER.I LOVE EVERY MOMMENT OF IT. I LOVE CHANGING HIS PAMPERS BECUZ HE JUST BE LAUGHIN SO HARD IT MAKES ME HAPPY, AND I BE LAUGHIN WITH HIM TOO.AT FIRST I USE TO BE LIKE EWWWW CUZ HIS SHIT NO JOKE when hw shit...LOL.AS YOU CAN SEE I LOVE MY SON so MUCH, AND HE IS MY MOST MOTIVATION TO KEEP LIVING MY LIFE TO THE FULLEST.I LOVE HIM MORE THAN LIFE ITSELF. HE MEAN SO MUCH TO ME. HIS SMILE BRIGHTENS UP MY DAY.HE IS THE ONE WHO MAKES ME HAPPY WHEN IM SAD.I WILL ALWAYS BE BY HIS SIDE NO MATTER WHAT.I AM GOING TO MAKE SURE THAT HE GETS EVERYTHING HE NEEDS. I WILL ALWAYS BE A WONDERFUL MOTHER TO HIM.I THANK GOD FOR HIM EVERY DAY.

**I love being a mommy**

Long ass blog right??? lol sorry about that....

Live your life

Every once in a while it wont hurt to party and drink right??. I say live everyday like its your last cause tomorrow isnt promised. That dont mean drink everyday okay. Get what im saying???. . So im living my life to the fullest **I love my life* and everybody should love theirs cause you only get ONE LIFE and you should enjoy it. I love to drink, party and have a good time on some weekends. I must say this weekend was a good one for me.

Friday....
I was just like so down(sad) I dont even know why. Wait I do know why. Shit just aint going like I want it to, but I know my days will get better. Imma just stand strong. Well anteeways back to what I was saying about friday. I just needed a drink so I had three BJ koolers. Yup I had three. LoL. Oh I call the koolers BJ but its called Barne & Janes well something like that. I forgot the name so I just call them BJ's. Yeah those my shits. They got so many flavors. Hmmm makes me want one now but im not gonna get one. Well I was a lil tipsy on friday after I had those three koolers than after that I had one cup of bacardi and than I was sound to sleep. I didnt even know I was going to sleep. Gesh I wanted to blast some music not fall asleep. LoL.

Well on Saturday(yesterday)..OMG I was just having a rough afternoon day. Babyfather girlfriend talking about she fucking two months pregnant. Cant believe it!!!
Thought-How the fuck he gon get the lil 16 year old girl pregnant when he dont do shit for our son??.......

UGHHH...back to what I was saying. So yeah my day wasnt going so great thankx to that news. Shoot I was in need of a drink after that. Yup so my homegirl/chicka Amirh came over to my house yesterday night. Than we went to the liquior store than back to my house and thats how the party started. LoL Wasnt really a party but thats what I like to call it everytime we get together cause we just be acting krazy. Daquan was even having fun with us with his juicy juice until I told him time for bed. Yup he needs to go to bed at a decent time (8pm). LoL but that aint work so he end up laying in bed playing with his feet until he fell alseep around 9 or 9:30.

After lil man went to sleep we still listening to music and shit drinking crap. Started IM'n people on aim. Spelling words all wrong and shit. LMAO. Who doesnt have errors with words while drunk?? We even invited people to come party with us but everybody had a excuse for not coming. But my cuzzin and his friend came. HMMMMMMM they krazy and loud. But we all had a good time. That Grey Goose aint no joke.I just kept drinking it and it creeped up on me and so I was more drunk than I already was from drinking smirr off vodka and two BJ's. Started calling people "Beyonce" LoL dont ask me why, shoot I was drunk. Than I hear them saying "nomore to drink toya give me your cup". LMAO that was too funni. Cause soon as my cuzzin turned his head I drank his cup of grey goose. And than he like" what happen to my grey goose" lol I drank it DUH. Shoot thought you was gon take my cup away from me and I not grab somebody elses??? must of been krazy than. Cause im krazy LMAO. Yeah thats my definition of having a good time with family and friends. Just laughing, joking and shit. Makes me happy just having fun thats all.

Dont drink too much though.Thankful I aint throw up. EWWW thats nasty. But I have threw up a couple of times when I was drunk before. Haha and I said I wasnt gon drink nomore guess I lied to myself cause last night I sure did it up. But Im not drinking no more until my 20th birthday on November 12th which is a couple of weeks away. Imma do it up on that day too but imma stick to one drink and thats gonna be maybe Grey goose not sure yet. Well if yall want to get me something and dont know what to get me I wouldnt mind a VISA CARD, CASH, PAMPERS, SNEAKERS, WIPES, CLOTHES, and an IPOD TOUCH. LMAO im just kidding. Well thats my birthday wish list.

well anteeways
..................Today when I woke up I still felt drunk but not like I was last night though. Aint go to sleep until 4 this morning. And now my ass wide awake. What in the hell....

Who doesnt like to have fun????????

ending this blog with a quote "Life is what you make it"

I miSs her

This picture above is a picture of my lovely, wonderful, sweet, Grandmother Martha (Rest in Peace) Who I miss soooooooooo dam much. I was thinking about her today and than "the day I found out she died" pop up in my head so I decided to share that sad story with yall.

It was in the year of 1998 I had to be aleast 10 going on 11 well something like that(shoot I dont feel like counting). Well one day me and my mama had came in the house from my aunts house and my daddy was in the kitchen washing dishes and it looked like he had a attitude and was mad at the world so to avoid myself from getting yelled at by saying something smart I just didnt say anything and went straight to my room. So my mama was in kictchen talking to my daddy while I was in my room. I couldnt make out the converstation. So as I was putting on my P'J's (Pajamies ya know sleep wear). My mama comes in my room and tells me my Grandmother died (My daddy's Mother). So I looked at my mama with shock cause I really didnt know what to do so there the tears fell from my eyes (like they falling as I type this). I went to my daddy crying and he held me in his arms and we cried together. That was the first time I saw my daddy cry and it wasnt the last either. Quote-REAL MAN CRY . I just couldnt believe it cause I only got to see my grandmother one time when she was alive. Sad right? Maybe cause she lived in North Carolina or maybe I did see her when I was a baby but I dont recall it. Even though I only saw her one time (that I remember) I still love her and always will love her. She was a sweet and kind woman. I will never forget her.

My Grandmother's Health was Failing and her leg was giving her trouble so she had to get it cut off and than after that Grain Green(Poison) had sat in it and caused her to die. Sad right??? Yeah that was a sad day for me. And that was the day I came to realize everybody dont live forever. When god calls your name you have no choice but to go. I didnt attend her funeral service cause it was in North Carolina and my daddy wasnt sure when he was coming back and he aint want me to miss so many days out of school and he knew he would of had to be doing alot of runinng around and shit like that being that he was "the baby" of 2 oldest brothers. Which I wouldnt not of mind cause school sucked than. I wonder how I would of reacted at her funeral being that I was so young. I think I would of went Krazy cause I loved her so much. She use to talk to me on the phone all the time when she called for my daddy. Well I know imma see her again when god calls my name and until than imma just keep her in my heart cause I know she's in a better place.


***Here is my 4th tat I got on my arm***Yes I love my grandmother so much I had to get her name Tatted on me.....
I lost so many people in my past OMG its just sad. But I know they in a better place watching over me. They see everything I go through and I know they wanna see me smile so thats why I have to be strong.

R.I.P GRANDPA LEE
R..I.P GRANDMOTHER MARTHA
R.I.P DADDY
R.I.P GRANDMOTHER MELBA
R.I.P UNCLE HARRY
R.I.P UNCLE MUNGO
R.I.P AUNT NESIE

*********I MISS AND LOVE YALL!!!***********

Im ending this blog with a quote...

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice"

Are you a Madea

Mabel "Madea" Simmons is a fictional character created by writer/director Tyler Perry. Based on Perry's mother and aunt, Madea is an aggressive, grey haired Afircan American. She will argue with anyone, she also has the a habit of threaten people by pulling a gun out of her purse, and she has unique way of prounoncing words as reflected in her tag line, "I oughta punch chur in da face!" She is part of a large family, with many children and grandchildren. Her name is spelled variously as "Mabel" and "Mable," probably in order to confuse government authorities and others when applying for jobs, getting credit cards, etc. She is portrayed by Tyler Perry himself in both the films and plays. "Madea" or "Madear" is a typical Southern name for a grandmother. The term is a shortened form of "Mother Dear." Isnt that kute name lol?? If I had a grandmother like her I dont know what I would do cause she play no games. She always has something to say. (Speaking her mind thats all) . She has a book called "Madea's Uninhibited Commentaries On Love And Life" and if you havent read it already you should do so. You will learn alot. She told some storues and they all in that book. She's found for saying "Life is sometimes hard, and you have to laugh your way through it. Anything that has to do with Tyler Perry im all for it. Cause Madea is just a funni character. Who dont think so?? . If you dont think this woman/man is funni than you dont know what comedian is.

Now for the slow people...LOL
That may be blind and cant see or just dont know or maybe just stuck on STUPID. MADEA AND TYLER PERRY ARE THE SAME PERSON. Let me Explain- Tyler Perry dresses up like a woman and becomes Madea in those plays and films. Understand??. Well if not your just really are stupid. Doesnt that make him gay?? No it doesnt make Tyer Perry gay because he is only playing a character role and that is "Madea". So if you think thats gay it truly isnt. Believe me!

Tyler Perry was born September 13, 1969 in New Orleans, Louisiana . He is an American playwriter, screenwriter, actor, and director, producer of indie films and stage plays. Now this is a man who dropped out of school at age 16 and later obtained his GED. Can you believe that?? Shoot and they say people that drop out of school are stupid but look how far it got Tyler Perry, Cause he was smart enough to go back and get a GED. But hey that doesnt mean Students should drop out of school. Feel me? Stay in school students. Cause everybody needs an education. Dont you agree? Well I agree.

If your a female and after reading that book "Madea's Uninhibited Commentaries On Love And Life" you proballii gon say "I want to become Madea". LMAO I use to say that. I catch myself saying to people "Madea my grandmother you aint know" in other words watch what you say to me. I know im funni right?.

Here are The Ten Commandments of being a Madea (She mentioned them in her book)...............

1.Keep it real. Say whats on your mind when you feel like saying it.

**I does that all the time with no dam problem**

2. Life is hard, so laugh, even in the moments when people think stuff aint funni.

**Im always laughing at any and everything**

3. Eat, live and die. Dont worrying about dieting. Dont worry about exercising. Whatever comes on, let it stay on.

**Dont gotta tell me that**

4. Do unto others before they do unto you

**Yup cause if I think somebody gon say some smart shit out they mouth I cut them right off and say something smart first**

5.If they have done it unto you and you havent done it to them, do it twice.

**I do that all the time**

6. Pick up sticks. live richly even if you'r poor...by eatting rich food

**Forsho**

7. Whatever you done in the pass is done and dont be ashamed of it. As long as it didnt involve animals or children, you're alright. You are with the rest of the world.

**Never ashamed of anything I've done in the pass**

8. Stand up Straight

**Most def I do**

9. You will get better with time

**Im getting better and better with writting blogs as time is going**

10. This is the final commandent. Live every day like this is a tomorrow to make it up. Live like everyday on this earth, you have a tomorrow to apologgive.

**Sure is and living it up with no regrets**

Yup those were Ten commandents of "being a madea"

LoL So I guess you can just call me LiL Madea.


Tell me peeps.....
What do yall think of Madea/Tyler perry??
How would you react if you had Madea as a grandmother or mother??
Do you think you are a Madea??

Tears fall

Too me I think its okay to cry sometimes. When I cry I feel better afterwards. Speaking on the topic of "Crying" I was crying not to long ago for like a good hour. But we not gon get into why I was crying cause I was just going through a emotional moment thats all. If ya know what I mean? Where you just sit and think about shit than few minutes later tears are falling and you cant stop them. Yeah well that. Everybody has those moments right?? If not you will sooner or later. LoL. I cried so many times I lost count. Sometimes its sad that I cry so much, but I know deep down inside if I hold my tears in im only gon feel worst. Feel me? If you dont understand me just try to ok?

**This below is just something I wrote off the top of my head but its so true**

Its called "I Cried"........
I cried when I felt I was in a wolrd all alone
I cried when I had nothing
I cried when I thought I couldnt be strong
I cried when people I loved died
I cried when shit wasnt working out for me
I cried when my feelings got hurt
I cried when I made mistakes
I cried when I didnt know what to do
I cried when I thought it was the end of the world
I cried when people didnt understand me
I cried when I thought the bad dream I had was reality
I cried when my heart got broken
I cried when people walked out my life
I cried when I was really upset
I cried when I was stressed

*****DAM I JUST CRIED SO MUCH AND FOR REASONS TOO****

Are those stupid reasons to cry for??? Well to me they arent. Shit I told yall im emotional. Someday I should get over that stage of being emotional. I dont think I ever will though. Cause thats just me.

Shoot I dont hold my tears back for nobody. And when im crying and somebody comes to me and say "Toya dont cry its gonna be okay" That just makes me cry even harder. Sometimes I dont even wanna be hugged while crying. I like to cry alone. Feel me?

**You can be strong on the outside and always cry on the inside.**

Like some days I be so sad for plenty of reasons but I dont show it so instead I be strong and put on a smile on the outside when deep down inside im crying though. But that dont always work everytime im sad so sometimes I just let the tears come out and fall.

Well thats gonna be it for this blog cause im tired of talking about "crying"!

Let me know....
What was your reasons for all the times you cried?

Being Mean??

Today is going so whack but im kool though hopefully I go shopping with my aunt later today. She suppose to be buying Quan a new stroller. Thank god. Cause LiL man walk to slow for me. And I like walking at good speed feel me?. Cant be stopping and looking at birds and crap when I need to be somewhere on time. LoL.

But anteeways Jay texted me at 9:53 this morning. I swear he is such a morning person. Like what in the hell?...Here is the convo we had through text messages.

Him-How u doin my nubian princess

Saying to myself- WTF I am not no princess of his

Me-Im okay
Him-What u doing:) u able to see me?

always wanna see me wtf

Me-Idk. & why u never told me where u work at?
Him-I didnt c u yet since that day im making my way now

OMG

Me-U dont have to come see me
Him-I want 2 u must be busy? I guess hit me lata
Me-I just dont wanna see u
Him-Whats that about?
Me-Wat u want from me? Be honest!
Him-Matter a fact say nomore I never came off rude and gave u respect. I cant even get a convo without u think more of it than it is. I dont even know u like that ma

Thinking- but u dont gotta know a person to just be real and say u just want some pussy right???

Me-Ok I understand that but I only asked a question. I was just wondering thats all

Shoot aint nothing wrong with asking Questions

Him-Nah thats rude u aint busy and someone trying to see you and you say I dont want to see you. What the hell I do to you

Me-U aint do nothing wrong so far I just dont wanna see u 2day
Him-Thats pushing me away by saying that but its cool you will learn how to talk to some thats interested in you

WTF 2m is another day, he acting like its the end of the world or some shit

Me-How is that pushing u away im just keeping it. We cant be nothing more than friends anyways
Him-No one said we going to las vegas tun get married. I was looking for someone I can take out to eat and talk to

If thats the case how about he just wait into I text him and say "I wanna see you"

Me-Okay

Well that was the end of that text convo with him. Thank god. I dont think I was being mean. I just wanted to know what he was up to thats all. You cant just trust any niggah and not ask questions. You must ask questions now a days. Today was just one of those days where I aint wanna see him and plus like I said before he bores me. But I'll see him again some day maybe before this week over. What if he say he dont wanna see me than cause I aint wanna see him today???. Oh well dont matter to me. Life goes on. I was just keeping it real with him thats all. Think I was being mean??? Should I believe that maybe he isnt up to something?

Butter Cookies

Last week my mom brought some cookies called "Butter Cookies" when she went food shopping or whatever...

So check this out....

Mom-OOooo child I bet you cant just eat one of those butter cookies I brought (in other words- if I eat one imma have to want another one)

Me-Oh plz blah blah
(in other words- yeah whatever lady) LoL

After that Im thinking to myself maybe I should just try one, so I went to the table and looked at them and changed my mind.Than went back to sit down at the computer and all I kept thinking about was eatting one of those dam cookies. Shit Quan already had like 3 already.Having a convo in my brian like what if I cant just eat one cookie?? Than my mom gon be like told you so or something like that.

Okay Two days later still had those dam cookies on my mind.Im saying to myself I want something sweet. Oh what the hell I just grabbed one of those "butter cookies" and yes those shits taste yummy. How many I had??? like 6. So I have to admit my moms was right I just coudnt eat one of those cookies and not want more. LoL

Matter of fact I just got finished eatting 5 of them now. I think I want some more.LoL I know greedy me right? They even taste good with some Ice cold water.

Tell me have you ever eaten something but just had to have more of it???
Like it was calling your name or something. LoL

Just Talking

I Told yall I was gonna proballii post another blog before sunday is over.Here it is 11:14pm sunday and Im just sitting here thinking about what happened in my pass. Alot of bad and alot of good. Plenty mistakes but no regrets. And I'll learned alot from all my mistakes. I aint gon lie I've hurted people in the pass. So forsho I learned from that. Cause I moved on or whatever and I ended up getting hurt. Yes Karma is one hella of bitch.Who dont believe in Karma?? Cause what goes around comes around and thats a dam true fact. But shit happens for a reason. Understand? Where im at in my life today is all for a reason. I can never live with any regrets cause what had happen in my pass at one point I wanted it to happen. So why should I regret??? Get what im saying. I live each one of these days like its my last cause you only get one life. And imma live it up and yall should do the same dont let nobody bring you down.
Dam I need a good drink right now. I just want a smirroff ice any flavor will do. LoL. If you have too many of those you will be drunk as hell. I drink them like they soda. So yummy.

Do you ever get tired of certain people at times?? Hell I do like one of my friends im not gon put her on full blast but she's not on this blog shit but she proballii read my blogs though cause I put my link in my aim "away message". WEll yeah this chick just be getting on my nerves sometimes LOL.Is friends suppose to get on your nerves??? Yup I guess so. I just dont understand her sometimes. She be making me wanna spaz out on her with her dam spilt personality one minute she nice as hell and than the next she got a attitude with me cause she mad at the world, but I just keep my kool. Cause I dont like hurting people feelings really unless I feel I should or they hurt mines and I most def dont like hurting my friends feelings.Im being a good friend by not spazzin out on her ass but keep in mind that I can only take so much. So when I get to that point OHH hell yes imma spaz on her ass. But until than imma just accept the fact that maybe she's going through alot with life who knows cause she dont tell me shit and when I ask questions all I get is attitude. So im falling back. Feel me? Okay here's the .............**Update on Jay**
This dude is IDK what to say about him cause one he still hasnt told me where he work. Like wtf?? When is he ever gon tell me?? I hope he knows I still want to know. Well on saturday afternoon when I was leaving upstate he texted me that he wanted to see me so I texted him I was upstate and he was like alright. So I texted him when I got back to boring ass brooklyn and he havent texted me back yet. Oh well I dont care he cant be my man anteeways I just love his car though. OMG I need to stop. I will not use him for his car. But would it hurt if I asked him to drive me places??? and Pick me up from places???. Hell I wouldnt do that cause he aint even my type. If I had it in my heart I would still his dam car lol. Naw Chill I wouldnt do that either. I know what he wants from me just by him texting me one day last week asking "where the live pictures at"?. (In other words where the naked pictures at send me some.) He bugging out and I told him that too. He will never see me naked I know that and next time he text me I would make sure to tell him we will never be nothing more than friends. I should of never gave his ass my number to begin with. What a mistake I made. Now I learned from it.

Shaking my fucking head at niggahs these days.....

Omfg here is the........**Update on my Babyfather** Where should I start?? OH he still alive thank god but still spending money on his girlfriend and telling me about it too..isnt that sweet?????? Hell naw that shit aint sweet. Would I be wrong if I saw him in the street and I just went across his head with something hard like a brick??? I dont think I would be wrong maybe that brick would knock some sense in his head. Niggah gon make me catch a case for real. He needs to grow up. His dumb ass wanna live with his girlfriend. He swear he can hide shit from me but naw I got sources and shit. I dont know why he hiding that he live with his girlfriend anteeways?? oh cause he ashamed I bet. He should be cause he aint doing shit with his life just messing it up. He cliams he going to school. I gotta see that shit with my own eyes cause thats just too hard to believe and he never told me what school he go to. Hmmm imma gonna find out though and see whats up. I need to stop being nosey LoL. Naw he just need to get his shit together. Right??. well enough talking about that lame.

Long blog huh?? Im sorry lol just had alot to say thats all.

A weekend to remember

I had a very good weekend. Yup starting from friday through sunday. Sunday which is today. I couldnt ask for a better weekend. Feel me? I love my life even when times are rough still gotta love my life cause you only get one.

Well on friday I had a good ass day. Took Quan to daycare in the morning than went off to my unlce house for money to get my hair done than off to the hair salon I went. LOL Yea i needed a perm ASAP. Costed me 35 bucks, but that was kool cause it was all worth it. My shit was nappy may have looked straight before but it wasnt trust me. Shit was hella Thick. Now its just how I like it.Kinda look like its been cut but it hasnt just curled up underneath. I just hated the part when you gotta sit under the dam dryer. OMG Ughhhh the heat makes me restless and not comforable at all. Those beauticians talk about alot of shit too have you dying laughing.They kool though. I go there to get a perm done by my beautician like once or twice every year. LOL see you can tell I dont go to the Hair Salon much. I rather stick with box braids until I feel I really want or need a perm so my hair can breath from all the weave or whatever. Yeah so now I needed a perm and plus my birthday next month aint wanna rock braids on my 20th birthday so yup I went to get a good ol' perm. Im feeling myself too much now Hahahahah.Well after getting my hair done I went and picked up Quan from daycare.The Lady at the daycare says he is very stubborn, he takes all the toys from the other baby. I should beat his ass right???? Naw but im not gonna do that but I will stop him from being stubborn though. Cause me and him can be playing and he just takes all his toys from me.So I teach that he must share his toys if he want others to play with him. He may not understand what im saying now but sooner or later he will. Believe that! So me and Quan went home so I can go pack his bag so he can spend the night with my sister Tasha cause I was going upstate to see my man Chris. I was gonna take Quan with me but I had too much stuff to carry up there with me and being that Quan always want me pick him up or whatever there was no way I was gon make it with all that shit I had to carry. A bunch of dam food too. So my sister Tasha said she was gon watch him since he hasnt spent the night with her since he was around 9 months. Long time right?? But aleast she saw him though. I dont really like Quan spending the night out lol I be missing my baby though. Well anteeways after packing his bag we headed off to Tasha house. Gave Quan a hug and kiss than I went back home to get ready for my trip upstate. It was like around 9 when I got home so I still had time to chill cause the bus to upstate priosons picks you up from downtown at 1:30 so I got on myspace for a while and also got on my Moms nerves just because I wanted to. LOL I like bothering her. Its kinda fun cause she be saying get out her face but laughing at the same time. Gesh all I be doing is asking alot of funni weird questions thats all. How is that getting on her nerves?? lol I know cause she dont wanna be bothered. Hey but she do the same thing to me all the time. At 10pm took a shower and shit made sure I had everything I needed. (Esp. my dam ID cause thats most important when going to them dam priosns upstate. ) Than I was out the door by 11:15pm. Arrived downtown by 12 midnight. Late right?? Do I be scared?? hell imma G, Naw I be a little scared sometimes but I wasnt the only person going upstate so I wasnt scared standing there waiting for the bus.

Saturday...
Was on the bus at 1am dam was I happy to sit down cause by that time my back was killing me cause all the stuff I had to carry. I know yall like I know you wasnt standing for a whole hour. Yes I was I left my house a little too early being that I dont live far from downtown brooklyn but I aint know how the trians would be runinng at night cause some nights they be taking 15 or more minutes to come and I aint wanna miss the dam bus cause I would of been highly upset.Get what im saying?. The bus seats was so comforable.I was so hype when I sat down I had my ZEN(music player) ear phones blasting mad loud in my ear. Why?? lol I had no idea. As we pulled off I was like thank god im leaving brooklyn even though its just for a day. Lol im getting tired of brooklyn though samething and same faces thats whack.Bus had to pick up more people from the bronx so we had to stop. I wanted to get up and go to the store but the seat was holding me back cause it was feeling so nice and comforable. I knew I was in for a good a sleep. So after I paid my ticket off to sleep I went.And I dont really like sleeping on buses when going somewhere far from brooklyn.Shit I dont trust people.If you know what I mean and plus I was by myself. Well that sleep was the best sleep. when I woke up it was 7:15am time for me get off the bus and get those heavy ass bags and go into the lil house thats a few feet away from the prison where you wait until 8am when the visiting shit start. So that gave me time to fil out the form I had to fill out, use the ladies room and put his stuff in brown paper bags. If you been to a prison before than you know how that goes right?. The only part I dislike is you have to put your coats and stuff in lockers (aleast you dont gotta pay for the lockers). I had no sweater under my coat and you have to go outside to get to the visiting room. I knew I should of brought a sweater cause thats all they allow inside the prison. The sweaters with no hoods. Dam and I had no long sleeves on so you know I was freezing. But it was only a 3 minute walk to the prison. LOL but shit I was still cold though.During that 3 minute walk I was saying "plz dont let the AC be on when I in get this bitch" LOL. So once inside im like thankx no AC.What a wonderful relief. Cause last time I went they had AC on and I aint have a sweater with me than either. I dont know what made me not bring a sweater this time.But next time I will be sure to take one. Well while I was waiting for Chris to come to the visiting area I was just thinking about my pass and how the hell I ended up where Im at today after all the shit I been through when I thought I couldnt be strong.Than this came to my mind "you never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice". That quote is so true. Cause I been through shit I thought I would never get pass but the only choice I had after all the shit was to be STRONG. And yes I believe that imma strong wonderful mother. I love my life. 9 something Chris finally came to the visiting room. Seem like I was in a daze cause I was just staring in space and he was right in front of me looking like are you gon hug me. So I got up hugged him or whatever. I was happy to see him. And he was happy to see me too. We talked about many things. I even cried cause Its like so hard seeing somebody in prison and knowing they cant come back home with you. He told me everything I needed to know even though he has told me before but im guessing he want it to sink in my dam brain. He told me he loved me and all that other shit. Do I believe him?? YES because not only cause he tells me but I can feel it in my heart that he's in love with me. Once you feel it you know its real. I can tell this dude anything and he understands me. He tells me shit that im proballii not suppose to even be knowing but its kool with me cause I know how to keep my mouth shut. Yup im in love. Well while me and him talking or whatever. There was a girl waiting for her boyfriend or husband to come out. So I saw when he came out, he didnt even hug or kiss her. Why?? shit thats the samething I was wondering. So 10 minutes later he got up and walked to the EXIt. (thats where they send the inmates back to they cell) So the girl walks over to him and he yelled at her saying "get the fuck away from me". She look like she wanted to cry so she yells back "call me or write me the next time you want to see me". I felt bad for her cause he should of been happy she came to see his ass but I guess she really pissed him off or he was just having a bad day. Im nosey righT??? Hell yeah I dont miss shit.Wait its more a inmate at the next table looked like he aint have no dam teeth in his mouth and he had to be in his late 30's and his girlfriend was crying I dont know why she was crying cause she was talking too low and so was he so I couldnt make out what they was saying gesh. LOL. I need to stop being nosey.I proballii wasnt the only one being nosey though. When I was crying Chris was like baby stop crying you dont want these people to see you cry. I said ughhh shoot its natural im not the only one in here that crys. Shit everybody crys once in they life.Right?? and dont say you havent cause if you havent please let me know. LoL .I had a good time with Chris he just kracks me up so much. Talking about LAUGHING I be laughing so dam hard my stomach start hurting. The jokes he say be so funni. Tell me why I told him "dam I knew I should of brought a comb with me but being that you cant bring them inside the prison I left my comb home but I should of brought it for when after I got off the bus but thank god my hair stayed in place.It was bonucey so all I had to do was comb it down with my fingers. LOL so ghetto I know I know. He told me I should of told him to bring a comb from his cell. So I started laughing and said omg I aint know you had a phone where I can call you and tell you that. He laughed mad loud and im like What the hell im serious Lol. That prison shit makes you lose your mind. For real how was suppose to tell him I needed a comb?? I wasnt even sure I was gon see him that saturday and neither was he so when he called me at home on tuesday night I aint say nothing about a dam comb. I was proballii saying "im hungry" like always cause im always hungry. Shit skinny people need food feel me??. Well imma stop talking about the great saturday I had with my future husband. Yes we gon get married in the future sometime. I'll be sure to invite yall to the wedding. LOL. Well after arivving back in brooklyn new york at 8pm from upstate I went straight to pick up my lil man Quan.Yup I missed his bad ass lol. And home we went and took our asses to sleep. Well I stayed up for a while than I went into a deep sleep.

Sunday.................
Sitting here typing this dam blog proballii type another one later, who knows. Today seem so dam boring but im having a good day. Who's bored??? I guess thats why I had nothing else better to do was talk about my weekend. Shit aint really nothing to watch on TV and I got cable.If there is something to watch somebody please let me know?? lol naw but for real. Hope this week go good and nobody makes me upset. Well this the end of this long ass blog..SmoOCheS!!!

Here Im leaving yall with some pictures I took on friday after I got my hair did. New look u like?? and once again my hair hasnt been cut it just look like that cause its curled underneath . THat what sitting under the dam dryer with rollers do to your hair. I like it naw slash that I love it cause if I would of did it myself at home it would of looked krazy not even close to this. I like my hair to bounce with me. LOL get what im saying?

Myspace-Who doesnt have one??

MY PROFILE

Yes I have submitted my real name. Like be for real why wouldnt I? Everything I written on my profile is real. No need to lie about anything feel me?. 100% honest. I often change things on my page once in a while like put different pictures on it and stuff like that. I love using DIV layouts but now im just working with regular layouts for a while. Dont have much patients with DIV layouts it takes alot of time and sometimes I get confused with those dam code shits. Know what I mean right?. But I love putting my pictures as a background for a layout, I only do that like once every two months though. LOL kinda getting lazy with myspace. I keep my profile private cause that public shit aint kool. People just be wanting to be nosey thats all. So if you aint got me as a friend on myspace go ahead and add me www.myspace.com/ilovemybabyfather07. I know yall looking at the URL("ilovemybabyfather07") like WTF but that shit is old. Wish I can change it but bad news I cant. And I know dam well I aint making a new page just so I can change my URL. Thats too much work. Who knows maybe next year I will make a new profile/page.

MY PICTURES

If you know me than you know I like taking pictures and Im not conceited or anything I just have a thing for the camera thats all. Well my mom thinks im conceited cause im always some dam where taking pictures. LoL can we say "hi hater" to my moms. Shit when I was younger I use to stay up in somebody camera. I wonder where I get it from. Somebody. I also like taking pictures of other people espeacilly when they aint paying attention or acting krazy LOL. SNAP and RUN than I show them the picture like weeks later and they be like "omg oh no you didnt and you better not show nobody either". Pictures are good to have and you can always look back on them. I have 8 albums {which means I have 254 pictures on myspace} right now. Are they all of me?? No they arent. I know yall proballii like thank god cause 254 pictures of only me on myspace would be krazy. I often upload pictures up there like twice every week or so. And I dont take pictures just to put on MYSPACE. I take them because they are wonderful to have as Memories. Agree?. I love designing pictures. So most of my pictures are designed by me and have my profile ID(185434120) number on it cause people love posing as others and I aint feeling that shit. Will I design you a picture? Hell no lol but if I know you and you really want me to design one of your pictures, I will but I aint no professional though (keep that in mind). I like changing my default picture like once every week. Some pictures of me in my albums are busted LOL well to me they are but they iight for myspace. I like to look through other people pictures, forsho the DUDES though, hmmmm cause its some sexy ones on myspace. Do I comment on other people pictures? sure enough do and speaks my mind if something aint right in the picture LoL. Can I comment all of just one persons pictures?? Hell naw thats just to much time and that would be like I have no life. Only lames do shit like that. Im dam sure aint no lame so never ask can I comment all your pictures.


MY BLOG

Some of the blogs I wrote on here came from the blogs I wrote on myspace. Yup Copy and paste thats all I did. But Im not doing that anymore. These blogs will be completey be different from my myspace blogs. Seriously. I think imma just talk about things on myspace only in my myspace blogs. Feel me? Get what im saying? I dont often write blogs on myspace though but will write more and more soon. I do read other people blogs on myspace and shit they be so interesting maybe they need to join this website right?? or maybe they are joined and I just havent came across they blogs on here. My myspace blogs are for friends only. YUP like I said people noesy especailly if they aint on your friends list. How about be my friend on myspace first and than be nosey?? dUH Lol. Dont just go asking me questions and shit and I go to check or whatever and you aint even on my dam friends list oh hell I will put you on blast and dont even think about sending me a friend resquest cause that DENY does work. Agree to what im saying? thats why my page and everything else is private(friends only) meaning you have to be friends with me to be nosey LMAO. Im krazy??? I know right lol. Naw just keep it real thats all. Every blog I read on myspace I do leave comments. Why read something and not comment?? That would be weird.


MY COMMENTS


Yes I leave comments on people pages and I will be sure to respond to everybody's comment thats left on my page. Thats only right. Feel me? (dam I say "feel me" alot) . Be careful to what you write on my comment board on myspace cause if its stupid or something you will be put on blast and it will go in the "screen shots" album. Im always careful to what I say on people pages cause I dont wanna be put on blast LOL. So BE CAREFUL to what you write on people pages they just might put you on blast just like I do. Check out my album "screen shots" they are so funni too. Niggahs just dont be knowing what the hell to say out they mouth. Dont think cause you send me a Lil stupid private message on myspace means I wont put you on blast oh YES I WILL.

MY FRIENDS

At this time I have 4,667 friends on myspace. Too Many right?? Hell yeah. Seems like I add everybody right? Naw believe it or not I dont just add everybody that request's me. It depends on how they default picture look. If it look krazy or fake DENY I will do. But if it look kool and not fake APPROVE I will do. Mostly I got music pages as friends. Yeah you know those upcoming artist with some nice music. Im always requesting music pages. I cant help it I LOVE MUSIC. I have 40 people on my top friends. Why? because I want that many duh. And they mostly family anyteeways so. I dont add people on my top just cause they added me on theirs but because I feel they should be on my top just cause I want them there. Get what im saying? So dont go asking me if I can put you on my top but if you are a upcoming artist(gotta have a music page though) I wouldnt mind putting you on my top who knows you might not have to ask either. Myspace should make top 100 though cause I wanna put more people on my top and dont got time to do that customize top friends, that just takes hella time cause you gotta get the picture url and shit like that. Ughhhh not doing that but I did do it before thats why I say it takes to much times. Took me hours! . I dont really care if I aint on somebody's top friends cause its just myspace aint the person dam life. Some people take myspace to dam serious but NOT ME. Aint gon front I met a couple of people off myspace in 2006 to 2007 and we still kool or whatever but I aint into that meeting people off myspace anymore. I mean if you see me in the street or something do say "HI" and I will say something back. But that whole meet me at this club or whatever naw naw. It aint say meeting people off the internet so thats why when ever I went to meet somebody I always went a couple of people. Never go alone to meet someone. But like I said I aint into all that. Im getting to old LoL.


MY OBSESSION

I must admit I login into myspace every day. Lol just cant help it kinda addictive. Somedays I just sign in on myspace from my sidekick and stay signed in all day.

Well thats it for this blog.

If you have a myspace just drop your URL in a comment so I can add you...

Smooches!!

Could you answer these

When someone says ''we need to talk'' what do you think is going to happen?
I think a disagreement will take place cause sometimes it does happen like that though and I will end up getting upset.

Is there someone you want back at your life right this moment?
Yes my daddy who's resting in peace. "sad face"

Have you ever been mean to someone and not regretted it?
Yup all the time cause they deserve to be mean to.

Have you ever had to move on really short notice?
Uggghh not really

Do you know someone who has moved because they were running from the cops?
Yup and they still ended up getting caught. No matter where you run the cops will always find some type of krazy way to find your ass. "cant run from problems" and dont think they gon catch up with you.

Has there ever been a 'chance of a lifetime' opportunity that you denied?
Not really.

If you were a hostage would you do ANYTHING to stay alive?
Hell Yeah cause I love my dam life and wouldnt want my son to live without a mother.

Would you take every risk to get away?
Yup I also would take any risk just to get away

Have you ever swam in a lake at night?
Hell naw

Have you ever switched places with your friend at school for an entire day?
Nope

Do you repeat what people say a lot?
I dont repeat at all

Have you met all of your best friend's friend's?
Naw I dont think so

Are you one of those people who look the same but just have gotten older?
I dont think I look the same or maybe I do but I know forsho I got older . LOL

How loud do you listen to your music?
Too Loud but mostly play it loud when I hear my favorite song or something

When sitting at the computer do you let your feet touch the ground?
What kinda "?" is that LoL. but yea sometimes.

You are walking down the street and a cat comes up to you. What do you do?
Move away from it cause im kinda scared of cats. LoL I just dont like when they rub against my leg and shit. Ewwww SCARY to me.

Do you like to learn new things?
Yup all the time cause its wonderful finding out new things

Do you listen to music that your parents do not approve of?
Shoot im grown cant nobody tell me Sugar Hunni Ice Tea

Do you remember the election between George Bush and Al Gore?
Nope anything that has to do with BUSH. I dam sure dont remember.

By the way, are you old enough to vote this year?
Yup

Has anyone ever told you something you didn't want to know?
Hell Yeah. People always telling me something I dont want or need to know.

Has anyone ever spoiled the ending of a movie, book, etc. for you?
Yup and made no use of me watching or reading the book anymore.

Do you like yogurt by any chance?
Hell yeah they yummy.

Do you have a wide selection in song genres?
Do I? if I type them here it will fill up this whole dam blog post. But my most favorites are all of keyshia cole songs.

Have you ever fallen asleep in a furniture store?
Naw but I felt like going to sleep in the IKEA store cause they furniture feels so great.

Do you hate it when your nose itches really bad?
Hell yeah


Well I answered those questions and decided to post them here. LoL Cause im at home bored.
so can you answer them???

Bored day

TOOK ME LIKE 3O MINUTES TO THINK IF I SHOULD TYPE A BLOG OR NOT. SHIT HALF THE TIME I DONT BE KNOWING WHAT TO SAY BUT OH WELL RIGHT? LOL. ALL DAY I BEEN THINKING ABOUT MY MAN CHRIS. HE'S LOCKED UP HOPEFULLY HE COMES HOME SOON. DAYS GOING BY AND IM KINDA GETTING SAD BUT IMMA BE JUST FINE AND I KNOWS THIS. BEING ALONE IS ALL PLAYED OUT. FOR REAL THOUGH ITS WHACK WAKING UP ALONE SOMETIMES. ''SAD FACE''.

WELL ME AND CHRIS GOT TOGETHER WHILE HE WAS IN PRISON 7-22-08 JUST SO YALL KNOW. LONG STORY ON HOW THAT SHIT HAPPEN. TO KINDA MAKE IT SHORT WE USE TO GO TOGETHER IN OCT OF 2002..WAY BACK RIGHT?? BUT SHIT AINT WORK OUT BACK THAN. SO WE JUST GETTING BACK TOGETHER. KRAZY RIGHT? I WENT AND VISITED HIM ON SEPT 20TH. IT WAS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE EVEN THOUGH I HAD TO VISIT HIM IN PRISON [I HATE THOSE DAM PALCES] . HOPEFULLY I GO SEE HIM THIS WEEKEND. BUT ANTEEWAYS. AM I IN LOVE? YES I AM IN LOVE MAY SOUND STUPID BUT THATS WHAT I FEEL. HE CALLS ME EVERY DAY ALMOST FIVE TIMES A DAY OR MAY MORE. I KNOW FOR A FACT THIS DUDE LOVES AND IS IN LOVE WITH ME NOT JUST CAUSE HE SAY IT BUT BECAUSE I CAN FEEL IT. WHEN I WENT AND SENT HIM HE WAS SO HAPPY I FELT IT WHEN HE HUGGED ME.

PEOPLE TELLING ME I SHOULDNT FALL SO FAR DEEP CAUSE HE MIGHT GET OUT OF PRISON AND FORGET ABOUT ME. MY MOM EVEN SAID THAT. SO I SAY IF THATS WHAT HE DO WHICH I BELIEVE HE WONT. THIS MIGHT SOUND STUPID BUT...IF HE IS JUST USING ME JUST SO I CAN RIDE WITH HIM UNTIL HE GET HOME OR WHATEVER AND THAN FORGET ABOUT ME THAN THATS ON HIM BECAUSE I AINT GON LET ONE NIGGAH SPOIL IT FOR THE REST JUST WILL HAVE TO MOVE ON FEEL ME?. IM NOT GON BE CRYING. CAUSE I BEEN THROUGH ALOT OF SHIT AND GOT OVER IT .IMMA STRONG WOMAN.

IN MY HEART I FEEL THAT HE WONT HURT ME. I TRUST HIM. AND I NEVER TRUSTED ANYBODY THAT MUCH LIKE I TRUST THIS DUDE. HE PROMISED TO NOT HURT ME BUT THATS NOT WHY IM TRUSTING HIM. IM TRUSTING HIM CAUSE THATS WHAT MY HEART TELLING ME TO DO. I ALWAYS FOLLOW MY HEART. NOW WHEN MY HEART FEELS LIKE IT SHOULDNT TRUST OH BELIEVE ME I WILL STOP TRUSTING THIS DUDE. HE IS SO SWEET HE EVEN ASK TO SPEAK TO MY SON WHEN HE CALLS. [HE KNOWS THE DEAL WITH ME AND MY BABYFATHER TOO AND HE AINT FEELING THAT]. HE SAID HE WOULDNT MIND BEING QUAN STEPFATHER THOUGHT. THATS SWEET GLAD HE ACCEPTS MY SON. HE SAID HE LOVES QUAN ALSO AND HE HAVENT EVEN SEEN THE BAD ASS BOY YET LOL. HE TOLD ME THAT ANYTHING THAT HAS TO DO WITH ME ITS KOOL CAUSE HE LOVE ME DEEPLY AND IMMA BE HIS WIFE SOME DAY. ISNT THAT SWEET?


I DONT WANT THIS DUDE TO DO FOR MY SON WHEN HE COMES HOME CAUSE IT AINT HIS CHILD. NOW IF HE DOES WHICH HE SAID HE WAS GON TAKE CARE OF ME AND QUAN. THAN I WOULD BE THANKFUL BUT I WOULDNT GO TO HIM WHEN MY SON NEEDS SOMETHING. FEEL ME? GET WHAT IM SAYING. "I DONT DEPEND ON NOBODY". THAT JUST THE WAY I AM. LIKE TO BE "MISS INDEPENDENT" THATS ALL. BUT I WOULDNT MIND A LIL HELP EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE THOUGH.

ANTEEWAYS ENOUGH TALKING ABOUT MY LOVE LIFE SOON TO BE MARRIED..LOL

WELL TODAY I HAD A LONG ASS DAY. MY SON WAS HELLA LATE FOR DAYCARE THANKX TO MY ASS WAKING UP LATE BUT HE STILL WENT SO THAT SHOULD BE ALL THAT MATTERS. "BETTER LATE THAN NEVER" RIGHT??. THAN AFTER TAKING HIM DAYCARE I CAME HOME AND THATS WHEN THE "BOREDOM" STARTED KICKING IN SHIT WAS I BORED. SO OUT OF KNOW WHERE MY FRIEND TEXTS ME. DAM WHATS HIS NAME??? I THINK ITS "JAY". WELL HIS ASS TELLS ME HE COMING AROUND MY WAY SO IM THINKING TO MYSELF "EWWW I DONT WANNA SEE THIS DUDE". AND NOT NOT EVEN UGLY. JUST ONE OF THOSE DAYS WHERE YOU DONT WANT TO SEE NOBODY. SO I TEXT HIM OKAY KOOL. BEING THAT I AINT WANNA BE IN THE HOUSE AND HE HAS A CAR.

SO I HAD TO TELL HIM MY STREET ADDRESS NOT THE NUMBERS THOUGH HE DONT NEED TO KNOW THE NUMBERS. SURPRISE HE KNOW HOW GET OUT HERE IM ASSUMING HE BE OUT HERE ALOT OR MAYBE HE DONT MAYBE HE GOT ONE OF THOSE DIRECTIONS SHITS IN HIS CAR. FORGOT THE NAME OF IT!!

BUT ANTEEWAYS..............................................

20 MINUTES LATER HE TEXTS ME THAT HES OUTSIDE. SO I GET OUTSIDE WALKING TO HIM IN HIS CAR SO WHOLE TIME WALKING TO HIS CAR IT SEEM SO LONG SO IM THINKING TO MYSELF THIS GON BE MY SECOND TIME SEEING THIS DUDE JAY AND I LOOK A KRAZY KINDA MESS {JUST ONE OF THOSE DAYS} OH WHAT THE HELL WHO CARES I DONT CAUSE HE AINT MY MAN AND NEVER WILL BE CAUSE I GOT A MAN AND HE BETTER NOT ASK ANY QUESTIONS.

IN THE CAR NOW. OH SHIT HERE GOES THE QUESTIONS. THINK I WAS MOODY CAUSE ITS THAT TIME OF THE MONTH IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN...

HIM-CAN I GET A HUG?

WHAT THE FUCK HE WANT A HUG FOR?? NOW YOU KNOW I AINT GIVE HIS ASS NO HUG

ME-NAW
HIM-DAM ITS MAD HAWT OUT HERE I THOUGHT THE COPS WAS GON PULL ME OVER SO MANY OF THEM
ME-WHAT YOU SCARED?
HIM-NO JUST SAYING
ME-OKAY RETARD
HIM-WHY I GOTTA BE A RETARED?
ME-CAUSE YOU WANNA SEE PEOPLE EARLY IN THE MORNING
HIM-WHAT I CANT SEE YOU?? YOU GOT OUT?

HOW THE HELL HE GON ASK TWO QUESTIONS AT ONCE. WTF SLOW DOWN

ME-YEAH I GO OUT SOMETIMES

LOL SEE FOR HIM BEING FAST I ONLY ANSWERED ONE OF HIS QUESTIONS

HIM-WHAT HAPPEN TO THOSE FLICKS YOU WAS SUPPOSE TO SEND ME?

I DO NOT RECALL TELLING THIS DAM DUDE I WAS GON SEND HIM PICTURES SO IM GUESSING THAT WAS HIS WAY OF ASKING CAN I SEND HIM A PICTURE. SO I SENT ONE

ME-WOW WHEN I SAID THIS?
HIM-YOU SAID IT
ME-OKAY RIIIGHT I JUST SENT ONE JUST NOW DID YOU GET IT?
HIM-NO I AINT GET IT LET ME SEE YOU SENT FOLDER

SINCE HE PROBALLII THOUGHT I WAS LYING I SHOWED HIM

ME-LOOK FOOL
HIM-WOW I DONT EVEN GOT A NAME IN YOUR PHONE THATS MESSED UP
ME-I KNOW YOUR NUMBER BY HEART SO NO NEED FOR A NAME

I JUST G'eD HIM KNOWING DAM WELL I DONT KNOW HIS NUMBER BY A HEART. SO I STORED HIS NUMBER. LOL I DONT EVEN KNOW WHY I NEVER STORED HIS NUMBER TO BEGIN WITH. MAYBE CAUSE WHEN HE BAGGED ME OR WHATEVER I JUST GAVE HIM MY NUMBER AND KEPT IT MOVING LOL THAN HE TEXTED ME RIGHT AWAY. AND BEIN THAT I NEVER DELETE CERTAIN TEXT HIS NEVER GOT DELETED SO THATS HOW I KINDA KNOW ITS HIM WHEN HE TEXT ME AND PLUS HE THE ONLY ONE WHO TEXT ME WITH NO NAME....

BUT ANTEEWAYS HIS CAR IS HELLA FLY AND PRETTY AND ITS UP TO DATE 2008 YESSSIR BUT I JUST FORGOT THE NAME OF IT. OH YEAH HE KUTE TOO. BUT I HAVE A MAN SO I DONT CARE FOR HIS ASS. AND PLUS HE BORES ME EVEN MORE.

KRAZY THING IS HE STILL HASNT GOT MY PICTURE THAT I SENT WHEN I WAS IN HIS CAR. OH WRLL THAT SUCKS TO BE HIM RIGHT? CAUSE I AINT SENDING IT AGAIN. I DONT THINK I WANNA SEE DUDE AGAIN WELL IM NOT SURE CAUSE HE KOOL BUT HE JUST SEEM LIKE A BORING TYPE. SITTING IN HIS CAR WAS JUST A COMPLETE WASTE OF MY TIME CAUSE ALL WE DID WAS SIT IN HIS CAR AND HE ASEKD QUESTIONS NOT THAT I WANTED MORE JUST SAYING HE COULD OF DROVE SOMEWHERE OR SOMETHING. WE WAS BETTER OFF TEXTING AND LEAVING IT LIKE THAT. SERIOUSLY THOUGH. CAUSE DUDE SEEM HELLA LAME FOR SOME WEIRD REASON.

SO AFTER SEE THAT LAME DUDE JAY LOL. I WENT UPSTAIRS OR WHATEVER. SO HOUR LATER IM THINKING TO MYSELF "JAY SAID HE WAS GOING TO WORK BUT I NEVER ASKED HIM WHERE HE WORK". SO I TEXTED HIM.

ME-WHERE YOU WORK AT?
HIM-HAVE TO TELL YOU IN PERSON WHEN I SEE YOU 2M
ME-YEAH UH HUH

AFTER THAT I STOPPED TEXTING HIM

HIM-IM SERIOUS ITS HARD TO EXPLAIN SO I HAVE TO TELL YOU FACE TO FACE

STILL AINT TEXT HIM BACK AFTER THAT LAST TEXT FROM HIM. CAUSE WHATS SO HARD TO EXPLAIN ABOUT WHERE YOU WORK AT? I DONT GET IT. I SHOULD OF TEXTED HIM BACK BUT I CHOOSE NOT TO. JUST WAIT TIL HE SAYS HE'S "DOWN STAIRS" AGAIN WHICH MIGHT BE 2M WHO KNOWS. CAUSE I DAM SURE WANNA KNOW WHERE HE WORK. AND THIS TIME IMMA MAKE SURE HE TAKES ME FOR A RIDE IN THAT PRETTY ASS CAR. HE JUST BETTER NOT STOP BY NO STORE AND LEAVE ME IN THE CAR CAUSE I MIGHT DRIVE OFF. SIKE NAW CAUSE I CANT EVEN DRIVE LOL. SAD RIGHT? NOR DO I HAVE A PERMIT OR LISCENSE. GOTTA SOLVE THOSE PROBLEMS ASAP.

WELL THATS IS FOR THIS BLOG