Sunday, November 30, 2008


I have just gotten off the phone with Chirs not too long ago. I cried. Sometimes I get the *cries* when I hear his voice cause I just want him near me. Its Sad. Im missing him like krazii. Really in need of him. **TEARS**

Well Chris is suppose to be coming home next year*2009* in April sometime. On Dec 2nd ((which is Tuesday)) is when he go to see the people who determine if he come home next year April or not. He says he is nervous...Well shit im more nervous for him(I aint tell him that) thats another reason why I was crying on the phone with him.

All sorts of questions was popping up in my head like......What if he have to do more time??, Will I still hold him down??.......

Im praying and hoping they let him come home in April cause to tell yall the truth I dont know what the fuck I would do if they give him more years. LOSE MY DAM MIND probalii..

Dam its krazii I dont even know what else to say right now. I cant even cry nomore tears because I cried them all out. Just being strong and patiently waiting for Tuesday to get here. I dont want to be with nobody else but him. Yes the love I have for him is that strong. I couldnt even imagine myself with the next niggah.

I dont think I have nothing else to say in this post cause im deep thinking about Chris and wondering about the the good or bad news I might get on tuesday....

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Thankful & Happy

My Thanksgiving was popping. Had so many plates I lost counts. LoL I was being greedy cause the food was banging shit....How was yall Thanksgiving?????...Good I hope...

I was so happy & thankful on thangsgiving it was amazing....

Im Thankful for.................

First.....My Mom & Dad (Rest in peace Daddy) Wish he could of been here for thangsgiving.
I love my parents without them I wouldnt be here today.

Second............My Pride and joy, the reason I breathe My LiL MaN Daquan. I love him more than anything and anybody in this world. More than life itself...

And Im also thankful and happy to have my family and my true friends in my life. Without them being there for me I dont know what I would do. I love them all, they are the best!!!

So what are yall thankful for??

Well thats it for this blog pretty short huh??? lol I know...

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Feeling GoOd

So yesterday after I wrote that post *Ughh Tuesday* or whatever. I decided to take my braids out. Only had them in for 10 days but I just felt that my hair needed to breath and be washed. Now my hair feels OMG great like I just relieved mad stress. Kinda feel brand new. Here it is 2:05am and Im still up. I guess cause I just got finished blow drying my hair. Heyyyy do yall like the picture above???. LoL well its okay to me. Yeah thats how my hair look now after being washed and blowed dryed. Yes I did all that myself. Even took out my own braids....

Anyways Wild 'N Out is on right now. Its kinda funni but I think they are RERUNS. Not sure though. Cause I only watch this once in a blue moon......

Dam Im really missing Chris, Im suppose to be going to a christmas event at the prison on Dec 6th. Hopefully I get money before than and go christmas shopping and be able to pay my carfare to go see him. Im praying I do cause I really need to tell him some shit face to face and I dont think writting it in a letter is the best way. I would tell yall about it but I cant its personal and doesnt have anything to do with me. And I dont like to talk about other peoples personals unless they say so or it involves me. Yall understand right????...................GoOd!!

Okay moving along............

Who watches that new reality show called Brothers to Brutha? It comes on right after Keyshia Coles reality show which I love so much. WEll anyways that Brothers to Brutha show is kinda too REALITY LoL.They be fighting,crying and shit. Yesterday that show brought tears to my eyes seriously cause the brothers was expressing how they feel to their father and they started crying and so did I. Yeah once again if you aint know IM EMOTIONAL.

I think im getting sleepy so imma end this post here!!

Question:::::Was this a long or short post to yall??

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Ughh Tuesday

Today seem so lame and boring as hell. It was just one of those *UGHHHH days* For real it was.

This morning I woke up like What the Fuck cause I looked out
the window and It was raining. And today just was the day my LiL MaN had his Clinic/doctor apointment. Well his appointment was for 1:30 pm. So as Im waiting for time to hit around 12noon Im thinking in my head *Hope it stop raining cause my lil man has no plastic for his stroller*.

Okay 11:30am hits and my momz comes to me and says "I be back". MIND YOU she has to give me money to take LiL MaN to the clinic. So I say okay where y
ou going? Do you think you be back before 12:30? She answers "Yeah I should be Im going arcoss the street to fine fare(Supermarket) and if not you just come get the $4 for the metro card". She could of just gave me the $4 than but she claimed she had to get it from the ATM so im like okay whatever fits.

So around 12noon I start getting me and LiL Man dressed and ready. I dont live far from the clinic its only two stops away on the train but I need a etra 10 minte
s to walk to the train. Sooooooo I was done getting us ready at 1pm, Momz still wasnt back from the supermarket. I headed out and thank god she was down stairs in front of the building talking on her dam pay as you go cell phone. LoL. Thank god its wasnt raining at that time so I Scooped up the $4 and was on my way to the clinic well thats what I thought at that momment.

I gets down the block from my house and I realized I left his dam IMMUNIZATION book in the dam house. Called up my mom and said bring me his Immunization book down stairs and started walking back towards my house. So my moms friend comes downstairs with MY(not quans) immunzation book. Im looking at it and than say I told her QUANS not mines(s
o he took it back to my moms). LoL so ya know I called my mom like WTF are you okay? I said Quans book not mines. She like "well shit latoya you said immunzation book im tired". So I explained LOUDER now." QUANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN immunzation book". And she goes "ok" . I guess she wasnt focus cause she just came from food shopping and was tired. All I could do was laugh at her. Ok mom friends comes back down with Quan book and a unbrella shoot how ever you spell the shit.

I started walking back towards the train station and it starts dr
izzling. IM like "omg Quan you have no plastic poor baby so keep this blanket on you ok". LoL he gave me a look like "you talking to me ? yeah ok ma"...Thankx god it wasnt rainging hard cause he would of been soaked and wet and I would of been highly upset. I have to get him a plastic for his stroller ASAP.

Well I got to the clinic at 1:41..Just a few minutes late. They never call you on your exactly appoinment time anyways. Which really sucks for real. I really dislike that too. Whats the use of having a time if they not gon see you on that time?? get what im sayi
ng??..Took them forever to call him so he can get weighted and measure by the nurse. Than had to be called by the doctor which that took extra longer. "UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" just kept saying that the whole time in that clinic and plus I was hungry too. Quan ate before we left home but not me.

Kids was just runining around crying and shit and Quan wa
s just staring at them like WTF. I was saying in my head "Quan you better not act up"....But after a hour sitting in there he started getting cranky and wanting to cry. Finally the doctor calls his name. "About time" I said. Goes to the doctors room and Quan start being bad in there touching shit "omg just ughhhhh" I said stop and popped him about 3 or 4 times but nope he still kept doing it . So I strapped him right in his stroller. LoL that aint work either. So I yelled stop one good time and he looked at me with a "shy face"...like I hurt his feelings or something. Than he wanted to sit on my lap....lol

After coming out the doctors lil room or office or whatever you wanna call the crap. We had to wait again for the nurse to give him a FLU shot...just "ughhhhhhhhhhhhh". I guess cause I was hungry I was kinda moody. Well IDK......

Well after another 15 minutes passed the nurse calls him and gives him his shot which mad my dam baby cry awwwww and off to make another appointment( for when he turn 2) at the desk which took another 10 minutes. OMG at this time I wanted to cry
cause I was so hungry.....LOL my greedy as I knowssssssssssssss.....

Finally back home made me two eggs and cheese sandwiches and those shits was banging frizzle fucking good. Of course I shared with Quan who doesnt like bread so I had to give him some eggs out the sandwich. lol but I kept tryna make him bite the sandwich but he kept spitting the bread out. He makes this weird face when eatting bread...Like its yuck. lol its only brea

Well imma end this blog with some pictures

I just love taking pictures of my lil man he is just so handsome. I love me some him!! yup yup!!

Ex Boyfriends

First off I really dont understand them. For Real I dont. Isnt it a reason why they get the title *EX BOYFRIEND*??? Yes its a reason.....Why do they seem to wanna come back in your life some how or some way??? OMG!!!!

So Okay I have this EX BOYFRIEND right. His name is Duke but I call him Dukiie. LOL kinda sounds nasty. I knowssssss. But anyways its like he is mad at me cause I have moved on but I dont understand why he mad. When me & him was together I had fallen in love with him like WOAH. Use to tell him I love him and shit and his response use to always be *AWWWW* like on some tryna play me type shit. So I felt he basically left me hanging.

So hell yeah I moved on. And now all of a sudden he wanna confess to me on how he love me and always loved me just didnt want to tell me cause he was afriad of getting heart broken and shit like that. I DONT UNDERSTAND, Or maybe I do understand just a little.

If that was the case why he just didnt be real with me and tell me that when I first told him I loved him. That would of probalii helped alot cause we probalii could still be together but nope he messed it all up by making me feel like shit.

Now he tryna make me feel bad or whatever. So I apoligized to him from the kindness of my heart cause he feels hurt that I moved on. But I see it like this it was all his doing. He left me hanging all the times I expressed myself to him all I ever got was a frizzle fucking *AWWWWW*and that made me feel like I wasnt worth his time or what so ever . So my heart told me to move on so thats what the frizzle fuck I did. I always listen to my heart no matter what cause sometimes your mind play tricks on you. Get what im saying??

The part that got me is that when me and him was together we NEVER I mean NEVER kissed but we had SEX. To me that felt strange cause he never even attemped to kiss me But I did kiss him on his cheeks a couple of times to give him a hint that I wanted our lips to meet but nope it never happened. NO tongue action NO NOTHING but straight up SEX. Dont get the wrong idea the SEX was popping NO LIE. I liked it.

Im willing to be friends with Dukiie but this whole him wanting me back aint gon happen. DEAD ASS! If he dont want to be my friend than I dont know what else to tell him and Im dam sure aint gon stress it. Feel me?

*Its somebody out there for everybody* So he better move on and find that somebody. Not tryna sound cold hearted or anything like that but its life. I still got love for shawttii but not that relationship type LOVE. Yall should get what Im saying.....


Frizzle---Oh thats just some weird word I made up...LMAO dont mind me I come up with some weird words sometimes......

Oh Yeah before yall go I want yall to check out my Besite Tasha Blog page she just joined.....She need readers!!

Saturday, November 22, 2008


Hey Everyone..

Missed me from posting??. Well maybe not cause I havent be
en nowhere. I just been reading and commenting people blogs. Just aint been writting none of my own. Ya see? And if I havent read some of yall NEW blogs dont worry im getting around to it. Trust me. Cause I love to read.

At this moment Im just missing my lil man Quan he been gone since Thrusday (11-20-08) yeah he went with his daddy than his daddy let him go with his grandfather so he's with his grandfather right now he be back tomorrow..UGGGHHH I really miss him. Thrusday he took School(DAycare) Pictures. He looked so handsome. He was kinda shy too when the lady was talking to him. AWWWW thats my baby. Well when the pictures come back I will post them up here.

Here are some pictures from thrusday when we were at the daycare center.

*LoL he look like he about to fall in this picture*
*Yup kisses to my LiL Man* *Me and My BAbyfather..He wanted to take this picture but as you can see I really didnt mind lol (Proud Parents of LiL MaN)*

Anyways enough with the pictures.....

Its fucking brick outside (Brooklyn, NY)...Dam I use to like the winter time but now I dont think I like it anymore. The coldness makes me sleepy but dam why it gotta be sooooooooooooo cold???..I rather summer than this cold shit. For real. Today I went outside once too many times when I told myself I wasnt going outside. Shame on me!!!!!!!!!. My mama always want me go somewhere for her like I got a fucking car or some shit. WHAT THE FUCK. While she sit in the house and do nothing. But since I had a good long nap today and when I woke up I was kinda bored so I went to my aunt and sister house's for some food so that my mama can cook it on thanksgiving. Out of the kindness of my heart cause I could of told her "hell no go yourself" which I really wanted to but I knew that wouldnt be nice and plus I wanna eat on thanksgiving. Than after coming from my aunt and sister house's came back in the house
and dropped the food off than had to go back out in the cold to go to the store...YES so thats why I say I been outside once too many times...................

Thank god Thanksgiving almost here cause IM HUNGRY for some TURKEY!!!

Than comes Christmas, next New Years.......................Watch how time flys!!!

Time already go by fast. Half the dam time I cant remember what the hell I did the day before or something like that. SHit Time need to slow down. Before I know it my LiL MaN Qaun gon be 18.......LoLWith his bad ass. Telling people "Leave me alone*, *stop*, *no*, *mine*, *give me*, and his favorite word is *HUH*when you call him. And sometimes he would just be so fucking stubborn when you call him he would just stand there and say *HUH NO*. bAd ass right? Thats why I be popping his lil ass. I dont play that......Glad he knows how to say *thank you* when something is giving to him though. I teach him to have manners at all times. Yup cause I know some parents and they kids have no dam manners. I be like OMG WHAT THE FUCK SAY THANK YOU DAM.......................

Ending this blog cause I have to read others and plus im watching *Dairy of a mad black woman* Whoop Whoop this is one of my favorite movies.

Quote::*Never let a man pay for another mans mistake*
~If you watched Dairy of a mad black woman than you know what I mean by the quote~

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Thoughtful Day

Yup thats me in that picture above what you think??. I know yall proballii like didnt I just cut my bangs??. LOL yup and now im back on my Box Braids shit. I dont really like having my hair out in the winter time. Why wear it out when the wind gon just mess it up and have it blowing every dam where ??. Cause shit I dont like wearing hats. LMAO! I only wear them sometimes or maybe I would where a scarf.

Well moving on to.........................

Today wasnt a good day for me at all and still isnt. I only went outside once today and that was to go mail Chris letter. Than I come back home from the mailbox and momz talking about she want me to go to the store. I looked at her like she was fucking krazy cause why didnt she tell me go to the store while I was out there??. Sometimes she just dont use her dam brain at all. Did I go to the store for her? Hell no and plus it was too dam cold for me to go back out there. Winter is really here. I got so much on my mind. I caught myself in a deep day dream today. I was day dreaming about all the times I had with my father (r.i.p daddy). I miss him so much. Its so hard at times you cant even imagine.

It seemed so long today. I guess cause I aint have nothing to do. Sucks to be me on sundays.
You ever sit and think about your pass and the things you wish you could of changed?? Well I think about my pass sometimes. I try paying attention focusing on my future but sometimes I just get stuck and start thinking about my pass and shit. Like my babyfather(he's doing good by our son now) for example. Today I was thinking about him. A question popped up in my head for him but I dont want to make it seem like I want him back or anything like that cause I dont. Its just a question that need to be answered I think or maybe im over reacting. Shit I dont know whats wrong with me. All I really want to know "was it worth us breaking up??"

So you know I went and hit my babyfather up on aim without even thinking about how he can hurt my feelings cause he very good at that shit. What the hell!

Me-I gotta ask u something


Me-was it worth us being apart? just curious


Me-for real

Him-i guess so

Me-wat u mean u guess so?


Me-oh ok y u think it was worth it?


Me-wat do u know

Him-cuz it made us breathe



Me-y it made us breathe?

Him-We was around each other 2 mucc

Glad he answered my Question though. That niggah aint the same person like when we first met. He changed alot. So much I dont know who he is anymore. One minute he act like a nice guy and next minute he a mean guy. Not the innocent guy I once knew. But oh well long as he doing for our son now like he was suppose to been doing long time ago I dont care how he act. LoL


I also thought about my FIRST today. Yes the Niggah I lost my virginity too. His name is Leon. Its just krazy. Cause when I lost my virginity to him,I was already in a relationship with somebody else. But he didnt know that so me and Leon became a couple also. Guess you can say I was tryna be a player. Shoot I was young I aint no any better. What made me lose it to Leon? Cause like in my eyes he was that niggah for me for real he was. He was always around me and treated me like a lady. He is related to my bestfriend. So yeah thats pretty much why he was always around. So one day the shit just happened. I was 15 when I lost my virginity. And it dam sure felt good LOL.
Why so young? Shit I dont know I was horny and hated the feeling so I had to do the dam thing. Now lets get to the other dude that I was in a relationship with at the time when I lost my virginity. Aint gon put his name out there so imma just call him "Lame"but his ass was always on lock down need a say more??. So my ass fell for Leon even more cause he showed me more attention. Krazy part is they ended up finding out about each other. Yup. Cause Lame popped up on my block while I was with Leon. And my ass ran. LMAO thats not funni though. So I ran behind my momz and she like why you running than she saw why I was running. Yeah she knew I was tryna be a player. But I should not have ran cause they ended up sitting right next to each other and thats how my dumb ass got caught. Did my mom know I lost my virginity at that time? Nope I aint tell her into I felt like it. I told her when I turned 17 and she was kinda mad and wonder why I aint tell her when it happened. Shoot so she can kill me lol I was only 15. Anteeways back to what I was saying...................

Yes I was in relationship with both of them(Leon and Lame) and I had to let one of them go and that person I let go was Leon. And than evenutally me and Lame broke up too. I learned a lesson out of all of that. Shit I was tryna be a player but aint know what the hell I was doing. But I do know one thing I should of stayed with Leon not only cause I lost my virginity to him but cause we had something special and I should of not cheated on Lame I should of just broke up with him thats all even though I loved him.Truth be told I loved both Lame And Leon. Some people say you cant love two people. But Yes you can cause I dam sure did.I loved Leon cause he was always there for me and treated me like a lady and I loved Lame because he had a good mind and personality. So why did I cheat on Lame?? Shit I dont know I was young and dumb minded and it seemed like me and him wasnt gon never do the dam thing anyteeways cause of his dam father with the lock down shit but I should of still waited right? YUP. Dam I fucked up. But aleast I can admit to it.

As I type this im talking to Leon now. krazy right? . I said sorry for hurting him and he says he forgives me but I know he will never forget that day cause I know I cant. I caught myself crying a couple of times cause I felt bad cause I hurt him and he really did love me and I loved him too. And Lame I hurt him too by cheating on him and he loved me deeply but well shit happens and people make mistakes. Lesson Learned "dont be a player if you dont know how". Yes me and lame still keep in contact also.

Imma end this blog here cause I dont want to go too deep into my pass. Feel me? and plus I wanna talk to Leon. LoL Im responding to him on aim like every two to four minutes cause im typing this blog..


Thursday, November 13, 2008

Cant tell me shit










Saturday, November 8, 2008

Life Changing

Okay first off imma start with "Awww my lil man Quan went with his father yesterday(friday)". LoL he be back tomorrow(sunday) though. I miss him too!..Yup his Father is growing up being a man now. Wonder how long this will last though. Thank god though cause he needed to.


Well I went and visited my man Chris. Had a great visit with him. Dam I miss him already. Just praying he come home soon. Yup I had to go see him before my birthday(Nov 12th). Well *OUR* birthday cause me and him got the same birthday. Which is in 4 days from now. AWW whoop whoop I cant wait.

I cant believe imma be the big 2O. Can you believe it?? Am I getting old??? Hell yeah Im getting old but shoot im still kute lol ok let me stop being conceited. I thank god for each one of these days. As days go by it seems like my life is changing but I just dont know how but it is. I can feel it. Maybe its cause im turning a different age this year. Well whatever it is. I feel myself changing. People are even changing the way they act towards me. I dont know why though. But its nothing cause I really dont need friends no ways all I need in this life is my LiL Man thats about it. I know who my real friends are and I know who arent my real friends. So if a niggah or bitch aint my friend at the end of the day, guess what ?? I still got my fucking son at the end of the day and thats all that matters to me.

Moving on...

For last couple of days I havent been reading anybodoy blogs or have I? (cant remember) well SORRY about that. Just been out of it. Shit on my mind tryna get on my grind with a job. Speaking of *job*. That UPS interview I had went well and it was hella long too. ShIIT!!. But I dont know if I got the job yet though. Well I will keep yall posted on that though. Something need to happen *like I hit the lottery* so I can start christmas shopping for my lil man. I love shopping for christmas for him. So fun! I sound like a kid.


Right now Im sitting here typing this shit bored out my mind HELP ME. Ughh this sucks. I feel like imma spaz on somebody just because I know I can and have a mouth to do so LoL . Naw but seriously. People just love pissing me off some how. I know they say *dont let people get to you* well I just cant help it. Cause if somebody say something or do some shit I dont like im gonna get upset. I just will stop talking to the person for mad long or just be mean to them every time they speak to me thats all. Common sense *dont do or say shit that will make someone mad*. So why do people piss me off if at the end they know imma be mad. I honestly think they do it on purpose.


I demand respect feel me?

I see in this every day world that some people dont respect each other. Which I wonder why THOUGH? I respect those who respect me. I dont like when people come at me side ways or try to judge me based on my appearance or whatever. *Never judge a book by its cover* I always keep that quote in my mind. When people judge me I can always prove them wrong. Which makes them look so stupid in the long run.

well ending this blog here cause I have to go read yall blogs! SMOOCHES!!!!

Sunday, November 2, 2008

These Days

Yesterday was whack and so is today. Dam it really be boring now a days for me I guess cause I dont have a job which I really need. Well yesterday I went to the store and back in the house. Still kinda shakey about that Blood initiation which they was saying was suppose to go on all weekend. So yesterday I wasnt tryna go out my Hood (area). Feel me? So yup so I only went across the street and back in my dam house. I also applied for UPS seasonal job(Driver Helper), I have a interview on Wednesday. Hopefully I get the job. IM PRAYING I DO.

Well for these last couple of days I been having like so much on my mind. My mood swings been going krazy. I guess cause every hour somebod
y say or do something to piss me off. FUCK YO WHY THEY CANT PISS SOMEBODY ELSE OFF. Oops my bad for the out burst. LoL. Like I was saying I been thinking about alot like my life and my future and stuff like that. I wonder where imma be when I turn 25????. That question is always in my mind. Well hopefully I have a good ass job thatt pays very well and my own apartment and shit like that.

I aint tryna live with my mama forever. Hmmm that just aint gon work out. We dont always be on the same page and shit. And sometimes she just annoys me so much I be ready to pack up me and Quan shit and leave. But I always be like where imma go?? LoL. I could go to my sister house but no that wouldnt make any sense to me. Why move from somebody else apartment to move to another persons apartment when you can just get your own dam apartment right?? Cause basically if my sister annoys me or something like that(which I know she wouldnt do but im just saying) I will be ready to leave there too. So thats why I say it wouldnt make any sense to me. Well until I get a job and save up money to get my own apartment me and Quan is stuck in my mama house.

$219.55....Thats how much my phone bill is. Dam its alot to me cause I have no job. Well thats what happens when you let the bills pile up. Im surprise T-mobile aint turn my phone off yet. LoL Cause if you a T-mobile customer you know how they are. PLAY NO GAMES when they want they money. So yeah I didnt pay September's bill which was 119.18 and was due on October 13th, cause I aint have no money like always. My money went to all my son needs which is very good. Back of my mind was saying fuck T-mobile child comes first. So I asked my mom can she pay it or whatever but she didnt. So when my bill came for October($100.37) which is due November 13th they made sure they added the 119.18 to the bill. So thats how it all came to $219.55. LoL Your lost??? Let me break it down shorter than $100.37 plus $119.18 equals $219.55. If you still dont get it or whatever than I dont know what to tell you. LOL !!

Right now im just so bored not so much is on my mind now. Just wishing and praying I get a job soon. For real. Cause shoot im struggling. Tomorrow my uncle gotta give me some money so I can pay my bill and get some other stuff that I need. WHOOP WHOOP my birthday in 10 days I cant wait. Im having a dinner/party. Its gon be popping (wow I sound so hood saying the term *popping* LoL ) . You already know imma get drunk. Well im really feining for the food that my mama is going to cook for me and my friends. Shoot Im skinny I need food lol but my friends call me greedy. Naw I just love to eat thats all. When Im angry at a person and they bring me some food im all cheerful again LoL.

I cut my bangs today. Thank god cause they were pass my nose and I wasnt feeling that so I chopped them shits. And yes I cut them myself. I wasnt gon go to the hair salon or let somebody else do it. Cause what if they would of messed up??
I would of been so upset with them. So I decided if I do it myself I wouldnt mess up cause I would know how I want my bangs to look. And Guess what it came out nice. I love my bangs now.

**Here are some pictures that I took today**

Arent my bangs kute???..Well I think so

I kinda look sad in this picture below right?? . I dont know why though
Awww look at me and my LiL Man Quan..Without him I dont know where I would be!!
Thats it for this blog imma stop typing here cause I need some food in my system (greedy me I know LoL) and plus I wanna read some of yall blogs. SmOoChEs!!

Saturday, November 1, 2008

Im brave


Well I guess you can say imma little brave cause I decided to go trick or treating after all. I was sitting in the house all day even cried cause I was so dam scared. Everytime I turned around I was getting a IM(aim) saying how many girls got stabbed up and shit. OMG it was so scary. Than im saying to myself if I go outside its like im putting my life on the line. So Im like you know what fuck it cause I want some dam candy and I want my son to have a fun halloween and im not tryna stay in this house. But a hour before I left my house I wrote this poem...

Title:My Halloween Poem

Scared to go outside wit just my son alone
So scared that I believe my life just can end over some bullshit
Scared to think that everything will be just fine cause I know it wont
Not only am I scared of wat could happen to me im also scared of wat can happen to others
Scared to stop my heart from shaking and crying
Never been this scared before
Im so scared I dont think I can even be brave and go trick or treatin
This blood initiation shit really got me shook
They giving themselves gifts for there birthday 2day and it is to see "woman bleed to death and die"
I cant be nothing else other than be SCARED.
They taking people, Sisters, Mothers, Grandmothers, and shit.
How can I not be scared when they taking innocent people lives
Im so scared I just wanna pack my shit and move somewhere so far away but never know if I do that I just might not make it as far as I wanna go cause of this blood initiation shit
So I end this note with some tears and a question "why they gotta hurt innocent people"??

What yall think of that poem?? Everything I spoke on was how I felt. When im scared I will never play like im brave and hard and shit

Back to what I was saying....hmmmm oh yeah well me, my son and my annoying mother all went trick or treating. It was okay I guess saw alot of people dressed up and shit like that. I was still scared when I got outside. I kept looking around. Yup I was playing close attention to my surroundings cause I was out there where it wasnt safe. Shoot no where you go is safe. Its krazy people all over the world so you never know where they at.

That blood initiation aint no joke I cant believe how shook(scared) I was to go outside. I even carryed a little box cutter with me like that shit would of did something but it would of been worth a try if a niggah would of jumped in my face or some shit.. Well as we was walking down this street in BK called court street the cops were flying by with they lights on so I already knew something had went wrong so I kinda got more scared. After we was done going store to store for candy we just got on the bus and went on to my aunt house and chilled for a few hours.

HAHA now you know the reason to how im drunk now. LOL cause my aunt had ALIZE at her house knowing ALIZE is my bestfriend LoL. I would drink that before I drink anything else. Hmmm You know I couldnt resist but to have a few cups of ALIZE haahah and now im drunk. All good though. Wow and I know I said I wasnt gon drink nomore until my birthday(the 12th). DAM well shoot that ALIZE bottle was calling my name. It was saying "toya you know you want me" lol. And I couldnt even front.

Imma end this blog here cause im still drunk and I need to sleep this shit off.
W3rd im out...**SmOoCheS**