Saturday, November 1, 2008

Im brave


Well I guess you can say imma little brave cause I decided to go trick or treating after all. I was sitting in the house all day even cried cause I was so dam scared. Everytime I turned around I was getting a IM(aim) saying how many girls got stabbed up and shit. OMG it was so scary. Than im saying to myself if I go outside its like im putting my life on the line. So Im like you know what fuck it cause I want some dam candy and I want my son to have a fun halloween and im not tryna stay in this house. But a hour before I left my house I wrote this poem...

Title:My Halloween Poem

Scared to go outside wit just my son alone
So scared that I believe my life just can end over some bullshit
Scared to think that everything will be just fine cause I know it wont
Not only am I scared of wat could happen to me im also scared of wat can happen to others
Scared to stop my heart from shaking and crying
Never been this scared before
Im so scared I dont think I can even be brave and go trick or treatin
This blood initiation shit really got me shook
They giving themselves gifts for there birthday 2day and it is to see "woman bleed to death and die"
I cant be nothing else other than be SCARED.
They taking people, Sisters, Mothers, Grandmothers, and shit.
How can I not be scared when they taking innocent people lives
Im so scared I just wanna pack my shit and move somewhere so far away but never know if I do that I just might not make it as far as I wanna go cause of this blood initiation shit
So I end this note with some tears and a question "why they gotta hurt innocent people"??

What yall think of that poem?? Everything I spoke on was how I felt. When im scared I will never play like im brave and hard and shit

Back to what I was saying....hmmmm oh yeah well me, my son and my annoying mother all went trick or treating. It was okay I guess saw alot of people dressed up and shit like that. I was still scared when I got outside. I kept looking around. Yup I was playing close attention to my surroundings cause I was out there where it wasnt safe. Shoot no where you go is safe. Its krazy people all over the world so you never know where they at.

That blood initiation aint no joke I cant believe how shook(scared) I was to go outside. I even carryed a little box cutter with me like that shit would of did something but it would of been worth a try if a niggah would of jumped in my face or some shit.. Well as we was walking down this street in BK called court street the cops were flying by with they lights on so I already knew something had went wrong so I kinda got more scared. After we was done going store to store for candy we just got on the bus and went on to my aunt house and chilled for a few hours.

HAHA now you know the reason to how im drunk now. LOL cause my aunt had ALIZE at her house knowing ALIZE is my bestfriend LoL. I would drink that before I drink anything else. Hmmm You know I couldnt resist but to have a few cups of ALIZE haahah and now im drunk. All good though. Wow and I know I said I wasnt gon drink nomore until my birthday(the 12th). DAM well shoot that ALIZE bottle was calling my name. It was saying "toya you know you want me" lol. And I couldnt even front.

Imma end this blog here cause im still drunk and I need to sleep this shit off.
W3rd im out...**SmOoCheS**


Losing Myself said...

WOW, having lived all my lily white, blue eyed, blonde farm girl type life in small towns in the Texas panhandle and SW Kansas, I cannot even imagagine what it must be like to atually be afraid to go outside after dark, or before dark for that matter. I am glad that you made it through okay. Oh, your little boy is adorable!

1BeautifulMind said...

"Walk by faith and not sight." Thats real. Even though violence is a very much valid fear in your hood, you can't be scared to go and have a good time with the little one. If that was the case, you should NEVER come out the house. but, I'm actually proud of you for your bravery.

Alize used to be my girl, but Patron stole my heart!!!

theBlaze said...

There were 510 violent crimes for every hundred thousand people last year in Texas, 452 in Kansas, and only 414 in New York, including New York City.


There are also more guns per household in both Kansas and Texas, and more gun murders as well.

I for one, don't think the degree to which your neighborhood is "lilly white", nor the color of your "blue eyes" has anything to do with it, and personally, I find it vulgar and offensive.

theBlaze said...

And Da Hunni Toya,

Hang in there. They say, "Those who would give up Essential Liberty to purchase a little Temporary Safety deserve neither Liberty nor Safety".

You can lock the world out, but you're also locking yourself in.

Come on out, it's a beautiful world.

Super Woman said...


I was never the type of person to EVER be afraid to do something, to live my life to its fullest extent. Through all the potentially dangerous stuff that i've done the scariest thing that has EVER happened to me was being chased by rats at 3am on a A train Platform.....

Being followed by strange men, almost shot, almost kidnapped by perverts on the streets, men soliciting me for sex, none of it has EVER scared me......call me crazy but i cant let the bloods, crips, or any other gang dictate my life for me.

Teems said...

LMFAO @ Superwoman. A train was my train! lol I use to blog about that shit.

Good stuff Toya.

Danielle said...

Wow, I had no idea about this Bloods initiation in BK. I know there's supposedly a bunch who live around my neighborhood, but I don't really keep note of all their dumbness. And I agree, you can't really live your life being scared because you won't have any chance to live your life.