EVERYTHING THAT RUNS THROUGH MY MIND AND MOSTLY MY EVERY DAY LIFE

Sunday, September 13, 2009

DEEP

NO MATTER HOW HAPPY I AM, I CAN NEVER BE HAPPY FOR TOO LONG. ITS JUST MY LIFE. I WOULDNT WANT ANYBODY TO FEEL HOW I FEEL SOMEDAYS. ITS TIME WHERE I DONT KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO. SO I START SAYING KRAZII SHIT LIKE IMMA JUMP IN FRONT OF A CAR (BUT DEEP DOWN INSIDE I WOULDNT DO NOTHING LIKE THAT). THATS JUST THE WAY I BE FEELING. THE SHIT I GO THROUGH IS HARD TO EXPLAIN. IT DONT MAKE ANY SENSE. ME AND MY MOM ARGUE EVERYDAY AND SHE ALWAYS STARTS THE ARGUMENTS. GUESS WE NEVER GON GET ALONG AND WHEN I MOVE I DONT THINK I WANNA COME BACK TO VISIT HER. SEE IM NOT A MOMMY'S GIRL IN MY EYES, I WAS ALWAYS A DADDY'S GIRL AND WHEN MY DADDY DIED IN 2004 THAT WAS THE END OF THAT. IM AT THIS POINT IN MY LIFE WHERE I JUST WANNA BE STRESS FREE FOREVER. ITS LIKE ONE DAY IM STRESSED AND THE NEXT IM NOT. WHY IS THAT? I SAY MEAN SHIT TO MY MOM CAUSE SHE PISSES ME OFF. LIKE SHE DONT UNDERSTAND SHIT. I DONT THINK ANY PARENTS UNDERSTAND THEIR CHILD.


IN A COUPLE OF MONTHS IMMA BE 21 AND I THINK IMMA STILL BE GOING THRU THE SAMETHING. SOMETIMES I THINK MY CAUSE OF DEATH IS GONNA BE STRESS CAUSE IT BE THAT BAD. IM SITTING HERE KRYING AS I TYPE THIS, UGH MY CHEST IS HURTING AND SHIT. IF I GO INTO MORE DETAILS ON HOW I FEEL. YALL PROBABLY STILL WOULDNT UNDERSTAND. NOBODY UNDERSTANDS ME. YOU GOTTA WALK IN MY SHOES AND FEEL HOW I FEEL THAN YOU WOULD UNDERSTAND ME. MY LIFE AINT PERFECT AND I DONT WANT NOBODY TO THINK IT IS. JUST CAUSE I GET THIS AND THAT OR WHATEVER DOESNT MEAN IM PERFECT. I CRY MOSTLY ALL THE TIME. JUST CAUSE I BE HAPPY DOESNT MEAN I CANT BE SAD ON THE INSIDE. SOMETIMES I WONDER WAS I REALLY MEANT TO BE BORN?, WAS I JUST A MISTAKE? I KNOW I SHOULDNT FEEL LIKE THAT BUT I CANT CONTROL HOW I FEEL.


IMMA END THIS POST HERE CAUSE TEARS COMING HEAVY!

1 comments:

Reggie said...

I hope you feel better, Toya....Good post.