Thoughtful Day

Yup thats me in that picture above what you think??. I know yall proballii like didnt I just cut my bangs??. LOL yup and now im back on my Box Braids shit. I dont really like having my hair out in the winter time. Why wear it out when the wind gon just mess it up and have it blowing every dam where ??. Cause shit I dont like wearing hats. LMAO! I only wear them sometimes or maybe I would where a scarf.

Well moving on to.........................

Today wasnt a good day for me at all and still isnt. I only went outside once today and that was to go mail Chris letter. Than I come back home from the mailbox and momz talking about she want me to go to the store. I looked at her like she was fucking krazy cause why didnt she tell me go to the store while I was out there??. Sometimes she just dont use her dam brain at all. Did I go to the store for her? Hell no and plus it was too dam cold for me to go back out there. Winter is really here. I got so much on my mind. I caught myself in a deep day dream today. I was day dreaming about all the times I had with my father (r.i.p daddy). I miss him so much. Its so hard at times you cant even imagine.

It seemed so long today. I guess cause I aint have nothing to do. Sucks to be me on sundays.
You ever sit and think about your pass and the things you wish you could of changed?? Well I think about my pass sometimes. I try paying attention focusing on my future but sometimes I just get stuck and start thinking about my pass and shit. Like my babyfather(he's doing good by our son now) for example. Today I was thinking about him. A question popped up in my head for him but I dont want to make it seem like I want him back or anything like that cause I dont. Its just a question that need to be answered I think or maybe im over reacting. Shit I dont know whats wrong with me. All I really want to know "was it worth us breaking up??"

So you know I went and hit my babyfather up on aim without even thinking about how he can hurt my feelings cause he very good at that shit. What the hell!

Me-I gotta ask u something

Him-yea

Me-was it worth us being apart? just curious

Him-yea

Me-for real

Him-i guess so

Me-wat u mean u guess so?

Him-idk

Me-oh ok y u think it was worth it?

Him-idk

Me-wat do u know

Him-cuz it made us breathe

Me-really

Him-yea

Me-y it made us breathe?

Him-We was around each other 2 mucc


Glad he answered my Question though. That niggah aint the same person like when we first met. He changed alot. So much I dont know who he is anymore. One minute he act like a nice guy and next minute he a mean guy. Not the innocent guy I once knew. But oh well long as he doing for our son now like he was suppose to been doing long time ago I dont care how he act. LoL

Anteeways..................................................

I also thought about my FIRST today. Yes the Niggah I lost my virginity too. His name is Leon. Its just krazy. Cause when I lost my virginity to him,I was already in a relationship with somebody else. But he didnt know that so me and Leon became a couple also. Guess you can say I was tryna be a player. Shoot I was young I aint no any better. What made me lose it to Leon? Cause like in my eyes he was that niggah for me for real he was. He was always around me and treated me like a lady. He is related to my bestfriend. So yeah thats pretty much why he was always around. So one day the shit just happened. I was 15 when I lost my virginity. And it dam sure felt good LOL. Why so young? Shit I dont know I was horny and hated the feeling so I had to do the dam thing. Now lets get to the other dude that I was in a relationship with at the time when I lost my virginity. Aint gon put his name out there so imma just call him "Lame"but his ass was always on lock down need a say more??. So my ass fell for Leon even more cause he showed me more attention. Krazy part is they ended up finding out about each other. Yup. Cause Lame popped up on my block while I was with Leon. And my ass ran. LMAO thats not funni though. So I ran behind my momz and she like why you running than she saw why I was running. Yeah she knew I was tryna be a player. But I should not have ran cause they ended up sitting right next to each other and thats how my dumb ass got caught. Did my mom know I lost my virginity at that time? Nope I aint tell her into I felt like it. I told her when I turned 17 and she was kinda mad and wonder why I aint tell her when it happened. Shoot so she can kill me lol I was only 15. Anteeways back to what I was saying...................

Yes I was in relationship with both of them(Leon and Lame) and I had to let one of them go and that person I let go was Leon. And than evenutally me and Lame broke up too. I learned a lesson out of all of that. Shit I was tryna be a player but aint know what the hell I was doing. But I do know one thing I should of stayed with Leon not only cause I lost my virginity to him but cause we had something special and I should of not cheated on Lame I should of just broke up with him thats all even though I loved him.Truth be told I loved both Lame And Leon. Some people say you cant love two people. But Yes you can cause I dam sure did.I loved Leon cause he was always there for me and treated me like a lady and I loved Lame because he had a good mind and personality. So why did I cheat on Lame?? Shit I dont know I was young and dumb minded and it seemed like me and him wasnt gon never do the dam thing anyteeways cause of his dam father with the lock down shit but I should of still waited right? YUP. Dam I fucked up. But aleast I can admit to it.

As I type this im talking to Leon now. krazy right? . I said sorry for hurting him and he says he forgives me but I know he will never forget that day cause I know I cant. I caught myself crying a couple of times cause I felt bad cause I hurt him and he really did love me and I loved him too. And Lame I hurt him too by cheating on him and he loved me deeply but well shit happens and people make mistakes. Lesson Learned "dont be a player if you dont know how". Yes me and lame still keep in contact also.


Imma end this blog here cause I dont want to go too deep into my pass. Feel me? and plus I wanna talk to Leon. LoL Im responding to him on aim like every two to four minutes cause im typing this blog..

SMOOCHES!!!

These Days

Yesterday was whack and so is today. Dam it really be boring now a days for me I guess cause I dont have a job which I really need. Well yesterday I went to the store and back in the house. Still kinda shakey about that Blood initiation which they was saying was suppose to go on all weekend. So yesterday I wasnt tryna go out my Hood (area). Feel me? So yup so I only went across the street and back in my dam house. I also applied for UPS seasonal job(Driver Helper), I have a interview on Wednesday. Hopefully I get the job. IM PRAYING I DO.

Well for these last couple of days I been having like so much on my mind. My mood swings been going krazy. I guess cause every hour somebody say or do something to piss me off. FUCK YO WHY THEY CANT PISS SOMEBODY ELSE OFF. Oops my bad for the out burst. LoL. Like I was saying I been thinking about alot like my life and my future and stuff like that. I wonder where imma be when I turn 25????. That question is always in my mind. Well hopefully I have a good ass job thatt pays very well and my own apartment and shit like that.

I aint tryna live with my mama forever. Hmmm that just aint gon work out. We dont always be on the same page and shit. And sometimes she just annoys me so much I be ready to pack up me and Quan shit and leave. But I always be like where imma go?? LoL. I could go to my sister house but no that wouldnt make any sense to me. Why move from somebody else apartment to move to another persons apartment when you can just get your own dam apartment right?? Cause basically if my sister annoys me or something like that(which I know she wouldnt do but im just saying) I will be ready to leave there too. So thats why I say it wouldnt make any sense to me. Well until I get a job and save up money to get my own apartment me and Quan is stuck in my mama house.

$219.55....Thats how much my phone bill is. Dam its alot to me cause I have no job. Well thats what happens when you let the bills pile up. Im surprise T-mobile aint turn my phone off yet. LoL Cause if you a T-mobile customer you know how they are. PLAY NO GAMES when they want they money. So yeah I didnt pay September's bill which was 119.18 and was due on October 13th, cause I aint have no money like always. My money went to all my son needs which is very good. Back of my mind was saying fuck T-mobile child comes first. So I asked my mom can she pay it or whatever but she didnt. So when my bill came for October($100.37) which is due November 13th they made sure they added the 119.18 to the bill. So thats how it all came to $219.55. LoL Your lost??? Let me break it down shorter than $100.37 plus $119.18 equals $219.55. If you still dont get it or whatever than I dont know what to tell you. LOL !!

Right now im just so bored not so much is on my mind now. Just wishing and praying I get a job soon. For real. Cause shoot im struggling. Tomorrow my uncle gotta give me some money so I can pay my bill and get some other stuff that I need. WHOOP WHOOP my birthday in 10 days I cant wait. Im having a dinner/party. Its gon be popping (wow I sound so hood saying the term *popping* LoL ) . You already know imma get drunk. Well im really feining for the food that my mama is going to cook for me and my friends. Shoot Im skinny I need food lol but my friends call me greedy. Naw I just love to eat thats all. When Im angry at a person and they bring me some food im all cheerful again LoL.

I cut my bangs today. Thank god cause they were pass my nose and I wasnt feeling that so I chopped them shits. And yes I cut them myself. I wasnt gon go to the hair salon or let somebody else do it. Cause what if they would of messed up?? I would of been so upset with them. So I decided if I do it myself I wouldnt mess up cause I would know how I want my bangs to look. And Guess what it came out nice. I love my bangs now.


**Here are some pictures that I took today**

Arent my bangs kute???..Well I think so
I kinda look sad in this picture below right?? . I dont know why though
Awww look at me and my LiL Man Quan..Without him I dont know where I would be!!
Thats it for this blog imma stop typing here cause I need some food in my system (greedy me I know LoL) and plus I wanna read some of yall blogs. SmOoChEs!!