Depressing

I have just gotten off the phone with Chirs not too long ago. I cried. Sometimes I get the *cries* when I hear his voice cause I just want him near me. Its Sad. Im missing him like krazii. Really in need of him. **TEARS**

Well Chris is suppose to be coming home next year*2009* in April sometime. On Dec 2nd ((which is Tuesday)) is when he go to see the people who determine if he come home next year April or not. He says he is nervous...Well shit im more nervous for him(I aint tell him that) thats another reason why I was crying on the phone with him.

All sorts of questions was popping up in my head like......What if he have to do more time??, Will I still hold him down??.......

Im praying and hoping they let him come home in April cause to tell yall the truth I dont know what the fuck I would do if they give him more years. LOSE MY DAM MIND probalii..

Dam its krazii I dont even know what else to say right now. I cant even cry nomore tears because I cried them all out. Just being strong and patiently waiting for Tuesday to get here. I dont want to be with nobody else but him. Yes the love I have for him is that strong. I couldnt even imagine myself with the next niggah.

I dont think I have nothing else to say in this post cause im deep thinking about Chris and wondering about the the good or bad news I might get on tuesday....

Thankful & Happy

My Thanksgiving was popping. Had so many plates I lost counts. LoL I was being greedy cause the food was banging shit....How was yall Thanksgiving?????...Good I hope...

I was so happy & thankful on thangsgiving it was amazing....

Im Thankful for.................

First.....My Mom & Dad (Rest in peace Daddy) Wish he could of been here for thangsgiving.
I love my parents without them I wouldnt be here today.

Second............My Pride and joy, the reason I breathe My LiL MaN Daquan. I love him more than anything and anybody in this world. More than life itself...

And Im also thankful and happy to have my family and my true friends in my life. Without them being there for me I dont know what I would do. I love them all, they are the best!!!

So what are yall thankful for??

Well thats it for this blog pretty short huh??? lol I know...

A weekend to remember

I had a very good weekend. Yup starting from friday through sunday. Sunday which is today. I couldnt ask for a better weekend. Feel me? I love my life even when times are rough still gotta love my life cause you only get one.

Well on friday I had a good ass day. Took Quan to daycare in the morning than went off to my unlce house for money to get my hair done than off to the hair salon I went. LOL Yea i needed a perm ASAP. Costed me 35 bucks, but that was kool cause it was all worth it. My shit was nappy may have looked straight before but it wasnt trust me. Shit was hella Thick. Now its just how I like it.Kinda look like its been cut but it hasnt just curled up underneath. I just hated the part when you gotta sit under the dam dryer. OMG Ughhhh the heat makes me restless and not comforable at all. Those beauticians talk about alot of shit too have you dying laughing.They kool though. I go there to get a perm done by my beautician like once or twice every year. LOL see you can tell I dont go to the Hair Salon much. I rather stick with box braids until I feel I really want or need a perm so my hair can breath from all the weave or whatever. Yeah so now I needed a perm and plus my birthday next month aint wanna rock braids on my 20th birthday so yup I went to get a good ol' perm. Im feeling myself too much now Hahahahah.Well after getting my hair done I went and picked up Quan from daycare.The Lady at the daycare says he is very stubborn, he takes all the toys from the other baby. I should beat his ass right???? Naw but im not gonna do that but I will stop him from being stubborn though. Cause me and him can be playing and he just takes all his toys from me.So I teach that he must share his toys if he want others to play with him. He may not understand what im saying now but sooner or later he will. Believe that! So me and Quan went home so I can go pack his bag so he can spend the night with my sister Tasha cause I was going upstate to see my man Chris. I was gonna take Quan with me but I had too much stuff to carry up there with me and being that Quan always want me pick him up or whatever there was no way I was gon make it with all that shit I had to carry. A bunch of dam food too. So my sister Tasha said she was gon watch him since he hasnt spent the night with her since he was around 9 months. Long time right?? But aleast she saw him though. I dont really like Quan spending the night out lol I be missing my baby though. Well anteeways after packing his bag we headed off to Tasha house. Gave Quan a hug and kiss than I went back home to get ready for my trip upstate. It was like around 9 when I got home so I still had time to chill cause the bus to upstate priosons picks you up from downtown at 1:30 so I got on myspace for a while and also got on my Moms nerves just because I wanted to. LOL I like bothering her. Its kinda fun cause she be saying get out her face but laughing at the same time. Gesh all I be doing is asking alot of funni weird questions thats all. How is that getting on her nerves?? lol I know cause she dont wanna be bothered. Hey but she do the same thing to me all the time. At 10pm took a shower and shit made sure I had everything I needed. (Esp. my dam ID cause thats most important when going to them dam priosns upstate. ) Than I was out the door by 11:15pm. Arrived downtown by 12 midnight. Late right?? Do I be scared?? hell imma G, Naw I be a little scared sometimes but I wasnt the only person going upstate so I wasnt scared standing there waiting for the bus.

Saturday...
Was on the bus at 1am dam was I happy to sit down cause by that time my back was killing me cause all the stuff I had to carry. I know yall like I know you wasnt standing for a whole hour. Yes I was I left my house a little too early being that I dont live far from downtown brooklyn but I aint know how the trians would be runinng at night cause some nights they be taking 15 or more minutes to come and I aint wanna miss the dam bus cause I would of been highly upset.Get what im saying?. The bus seats was so comforable.I was so hype when I sat down I had my ZEN(music player) ear phones blasting mad loud in my ear. Why?? lol I had no idea. As we pulled off I was like thank god im leaving brooklyn even though its just for a day. Lol im getting tired of brooklyn though samething and same faces thats whack.Bus had to pick up more people from the bronx so we had to stop. I wanted to get up and go to the store but the seat was holding me back cause it was feeling so nice and comforable. I knew I was in for a good a sleep. So after I paid my ticket off to sleep I went.And I dont really like sleeping on buses when going somewhere far from brooklyn.Shit I dont trust people.If you know what I mean and plus I was by myself. Well that sleep was the best sleep. when I woke up it was 7:15am time for me get off the bus and get those heavy ass bags and go into the lil house thats a few feet away from the prison where you wait until 8am when the visiting shit start. So that gave me time to fil out the form I had to fill out, use the ladies room and put his stuff in brown paper bags. If you been to a prison before than you know how that goes right?. The only part I dislike is you have to put your coats and stuff in lockers (aleast you dont gotta pay for the lockers). I had no sweater under my coat and you have to go outside to get to the visiting room. I knew I should of brought a sweater cause thats all they allow inside the prison. The sweaters with no hoods. Dam and I had no long sleeves on so you know I was freezing. But it was only a 3 minute walk to the prison. LOL but shit I was still cold though.During that 3 minute walk I was saying "plz dont let the AC be on when I in get this bitch" LOL. So once inside im like thankx no AC.What a wonderful relief. Cause last time I went they had AC on and I aint have a sweater with me than either. I dont know what made me not bring a sweater this time.But next time I will be sure to take one. Well while I was waiting for Chris to come to the visiting area I was just thinking about my pass and how the hell I ended up where Im at today after all the shit I been through when I thought I couldnt be strong.Than this came to my mind "you never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice". That quote is so true. Cause I been through shit I thought I would never get pass but the only choice I had after all the shit was to be STRONG. And yes I believe that imma strong wonderful mother. I love my life. 9 something Chris finally came to the visiting room. Seem like I was in a daze cause I was just staring in space and he was right in front of me looking like are you gon hug me. So I got up hugged him or whatever. I was happy to see him. And he was happy to see me too. We talked about many things. I even cried cause Its like so hard seeing somebody in prison and knowing they cant come back home with you. He told me everything I needed to know even though he has told me before but im guessing he want it to sink in my dam brain. He told me he loved me and all that other shit. Do I believe him?? YES because not only cause he tells me but I can feel it in my heart that he's in love with me. Once you feel it you know its real. I can tell this dude anything and he understands me. He tells me shit that im proballii not suppose to even be knowing but its kool with me cause I know how to keep my mouth shut. Yup im in love. Well while me and him talking or whatever. There was a girl waiting for her boyfriend or husband to come out. So I saw when he came out, he didnt even hug or kiss her. Why?? shit thats the samething I was wondering. So 10 minutes later he got up and walked to the EXIt. (thats where they send the inmates back to they cell) So the girl walks over to him and he yelled at her saying "get the fuck away from me". She look like she wanted to cry so she yells back "call me or write me the next time you want to see me". I felt bad for her cause he should of been happy she came to see his ass but I guess she really pissed him off or he was just having a bad day. Im nosey righT??? Hell yeah I dont miss shit.Wait its more a inmate at the next table looked like he aint have no dam teeth in his mouth and he had to be in his late 30's and his girlfriend was crying I dont know why she was crying cause she was talking too low and so was he so I couldnt make out what they was saying gesh. LOL. I need to stop being nosey.I proballii wasnt the only one being nosey though. When I was crying Chris was like baby stop crying you dont want these people to see you cry. I said ughhh shoot its natural im not the only one in here that crys. Shit everybody crys once in they life.Right?? and dont say you havent cause if you havent please let me know. LoL .I had a good time with Chris he just kracks me up so much. Talking about LAUGHING I be laughing so dam hard my stomach start hurting. The jokes he say be so funni. Tell me why I told him "dam I knew I should of brought a comb with me but being that you cant bring them inside the prison I left my comb home but I should of brought it for when after I got off the bus but thank god my hair stayed in place.It was bonucey so all I had to do was comb it down with my fingers. LOL so ghetto I know I know. He told me I should of told him to bring a comb from his cell. So I started laughing and said omg I aint know you had a phone where I can call you and tell you that. He laughed mad loud and im like What the hell im serious Lol. That prison shit makes you lose your mind. For real how was suppose to tell him I needed a comb?? I wasnt even sure I was gon see him that saturday and neither was he so when he called me at home on tuesday night I aint say nothing about a dam comb. I was proballii saying "im hungry" like always cause im always hungry. Shit skinny people need food feel me??. Well imma stop talking about the great saturday I had with my future husband. Yes we gon get married in the future sometime. I'll be sure to invite yall to the wedding. LOL. Well after arivving back in brooklyn new york at 8pm from upstate I went straight to pick up my lil man Quan.Yup I missed his bad ass lol. And home we went and took our asses to sleep. Well I stayed up for a while than I went into a deep sleep.

Sunday.................
Sitting here typing this dam blog proballii type another one later, who knows. Today seem so dam boring but im having a good day. Who's bored??? I guess thats why I had nothing else better to do was talk about my weekend. Shit aint really nothing to watch on TV and I got cable.If there is something to watch somebody please let me know?? lol naw but for real. Hope this week go good and nobody makes me upset. Well this the end of this long ass blog..SmoOCheS!!!

Here Im leaving yall with some pictures I took on friday after I got my hair did. New look u like?? and once again my hair hasnt been cut it just look like that cause its curled underneath . THat what sitting under the dam dryer with rollers do to your hair. I like it naw slash that I love it cause if I would of did it myself at home it would of looked krazy not even close to this. I like my hair to bounce with me. LOL get what im saying?

Lets talk Artist

First off lets start with Keyshia Cole. She is one of my idols. Its like when she sing I can feel the pain that she went through. That show "the way it is" , I just couldnt go a day without missing it. Had me in tears sometimes when I watched it. I believe keyshia is a very strong woman. I love all her songs. She knows just what us woman go through in relationship. One of my favorite songs is "Let it go" all the words she sing in that song is true words. Cause for real if a niggah aint gon love you the way he should let his ass go. Dead ass. Another one of my favorite songs is "Love", now thats deep ass song. I remember when I first started hearing it , than I went and brought her album and played "love" everyday like 20 to 30 times. Than her song "I should have cheated" now that shit was my joint cause at that time I found out my boyfriend that I was going with at that time had cheated on me, shit I use to leave that niggah voicemails playing that song "I should have cheated''. Yup cause dam right I should of cheated but my ass was being faithful while he was fucking and god knows what else he could of been eatting that bitch. Yes indeed did we broke up. Anteeways back to Keyshia Cole. I love this girl. I look up her she's like a sister even though we dont know each other LoL. Hopefully I will meet her in person one day. I proballii wouldnt know what to say to her lol I might just stand there in shock like "OMG" than tears proballii flow down my cheeks cause imma be so excited.
Keyshia Cole has inspired me to never give up on my dreams and hopes and be a strong woman even when times get really hard.



Omg now Jaheim who last name is Hoagland shit I dont even know what to start saying about him. Dam he is just so sexy and I love his voice like seriously. He is my Husband he just dont know it yet, yes I want to be Ms.Hoagland someday LoL.(Thats one of my dreams) Which I and yall know will never happen.When I see him in person for the first time I know imma jump up and down in joy. If you read about him you would know he proballii had a rough life in his younger years cause of the lost of his parents. Dam thats sad for real. "Tears". Okay let me not get all emotional right now but shit I am a emotional person when it comes to people dieing and certain other things. I love all of Jaheim music. You can name anyone of his songs and I know it. Thats how much I love this dude and his music. One of my favorite songs is "Never", now that song is the bomb I play it all the time. When it first came out I played it all day over and over. I was addicted to the song still is too. And the video to the song is just the best I like the part when he puts the ring on the woman finger. Glad it was just a video cause if it was in real life it proballii would of broke my heart cause he suppose to be my husband someday LoL. I know yall proballii like "toya you need to stop it". Im just silly at times thats all. Men should take notes from Jaheim for real, Cause I believe he's is a good man, or maybe he is a bad man and I just havent seen the bad in him yet. But other than that he's a good ass sexy looking man to me. Nobody will ever change the way I feel about Jaheim.
Ok Let me talk about Brandy Norwood. Now I've looked up to her every since I started watching the "Moesha" show in my younger days. I still watch it when it comes on too. I use to always say to myself "I wish she was my sister" Cause the role she played in "Moesha". I use to hang posters of her in my room. She was and always will be my #1 idol. Believe it or not when I saw her with them miro braids in her hair I just had to get them. LoL. I didnt wanna look like her cause nobody can look like her unless they are her twin which she doesnt have. I just thought the braids were fly thats all. Every since than I been getting box braids. Yes she inspired me to wear box braids. I just loved the way they were so neat in her hair on the epsoides of "Moesha". Im not a fan of Corn Braids dont really like them much. Brandy also has some wonderful music. I love all her songs especailly the new song called "Right Here(Departed)". In love with that song so much I went and brought that as a ringtone on my sidekick, and the video is just so nice words cant explain how much I like that video. No other videos is similar to that video for real. Remember that song "Have you ever" omg now that song had me in tears when I first heard it. (lol told yall I was emotional). It just was a touching song and when I hear it every once in a while like two tears come down my cheeks cause at one point in my life I felt just like that song. You gotta know what the song is about to know how I felt and why the song brings tears to my eyes when I hear it. So if you never heard the song thats a dam shame cause Brandy Music is Hawt and her voice is amazing.



Yup thats Trey Songz. Yes he really has cut his hair off. Cant believe it huh? I couldnt believe it either. He's even more sexy. I love his hair cuts it fits him just right. Dont know the reason to why he cut his hair off but maybe he just wanted a new look. Everybody wants a new look once in a while right??. Shit cause I know I do. Trey Songz has a lovely voice and he makes the best of his music. His songs are very touching too. I love that new song thats out now called "Ride" with him and Ace hood. That song is my favorite and you know I went and brought that as a ringtone too. LoL. If you dont love Trey Songz music than you must not know what real music is. Cant say he is the best in the voice of male R&B cause there are plenty of others similar to him. But I am gonna say he needs to keep them albums coming for real. I will buy them all better yet I will just download them on "ARES" its free. Ares is something like Limewire but I truly thinks its better. Anteeways back to Trey Songz...He is hella sexy. If I saw him in person I will faint. LoL and than wake up from the faint and proballii be speechless as hell. I love this dude like seriously. Who could not love his sexy ass?